Captivity
by sweetcrimefighter
Summary: When Laurent found Bella in the meadow, he wasn't stopped by the wolves and he didn't kill her either. He kidnapped her so she could serve as his slave. When Alice has a vision of it, what lengths to the Cullens go to to save Bella? Rated M for Rape.
1. The Vision

**_Summary: When Laurent found Bella in the meadow, he wasn't stopped by the wolves and he didn't kill her either. He kidnapped her so she could serve as his slave. When Alice has a vision of it, what lengths to the Cullens go to to save Bella? _**

**Captivity**

**Chapter 1: The vision**

**Bella POV**

"Laurent!" I cried out in surprise - I knew I shouldn't be happy to see this vampire, but I couldn't help it; he was proof that my vampire world hadn't completely abandoned me. He seemed a little shocked to see me, but swiflty conjured a smile on his face - a smile that send shivers up my spine.

"Bella? How-" he paused, searching for the right word, I guessed. I was surprised he even knew my name after all this time. "-convenient to meet you here," he continued, I didn't understand the meaning of it. Why would my being here be convenient?

He started to approach me and for the first time since I recognized his face coming from the bushes, I felt fear. Unconsciously, I took a step backward, as if I planned on running. _'Don't move.' _The sweet, guarded, velvet voice in my head cautioned me. Of course he would be here now when I was in the most danger I had been in a long time. I couldn't help but smile at the sound of his voice, though I knew I might die at any given moment.

I did do as the voice told, I froze; I didn't move another muscle. I didn't want to set Laurent off. He eyed me with curiousity, probably still trying to figure out what kind of attraction I would have toward vampires - just like James had wondered the same before he tried to kill me.

I recognized the look in Lauren't eyes - one of hunger, desire - again, it reminded me of the way James had looked at me in the ballet studio last spring. I was getting anxious by the everlasting silence, so finally, I spoke, "What brings you here? I thought you were with the Denali's?" I asked, I knew he had gone to live with Tanya's family for a while after James decided to hunt me. He chuckled silently; I shivered and the voice inside my head growled.

"Oh, yes, I was. But I couldn't keep to their strict diet, so they sent me away. It's too bad, that Irina really was something. I met up with Victoria a few weeks ago. Oh, she'll be so very angry when she finds out what I've done," he said, when he mentioned the diet, I realized his eyes were still the crimson red they had been in the baseball clearing all that time ago. He still fed of humans.

It was only a few minutes later that I remember what he said about Victoria - the voice in my head growled more fiercely at the mention of her name. He said she would be mad. Mad about what? "W-why?" I choked out, the fear inside me was I found it rediculous I was so scared - without Edward, there was nothing left to fear anymore, not even death. Sure, I had Jacob now, but he too was avoiding me lately, so I wasn't even sure if I had him anymore. "For killing you," Laurent answered in a calm voice, his french accent clearly sounding through.

I shuddered when he said that and the growling in my head grew so intense I could hardly hear the rest Laurent said. "You see, she's very miffed with you, Bella."

"Why?" I asked, sure, my once future family killed her mate, but he had tried to kill me. Surely she didn't hold that against me, did she? "Your love killed her love. Now she wants to kill you. A love for a love. Oh, you should hear some of the things she planned on doing to you. They're very gruesome," Laurent clarified, I nodded. So she thought killing me would hurt _him_, but she was wrong. He left me, he didn't love me or care about me.

"Where is your vampire? I went by his house and found it empty. It seemed as if no one had been there for a long time," he said, again, I nodded. _'Lie!' _the velvet voice in my head said, he sounded desperate. I wanted to do as he said, but I couldn't. I couldn't stand there saying he still cared about me when he didn't.

"He left. He and his family have been gone for months," I said, trying to hold back the sobs in my chest or the tears in my eyes when I thought about how they left me. "Really?" Laurent said, and for the first time, I was terrified of him. I had never seen such a look in anyone's eyes. A look of pure evil - even James hadn't looked so evil as Laurent did now. _'Scream!'_ The voice in my head commanded; I wanted to oblidge, but my throat was so dry, I couldn't even make a peep.

"That... changes... things," he said each word seperately as he eyed me from head to toe, scanning my body with his eyes - which were now filled with lust among the evil. When I saw him look at me like that, I knew something bad was coming; maybe even something worse than death. And all I hoped for now was death to come. I knew this was my end, my downfall. So I closed my eyes and pulled the last perfect image of him I had stored away for this moment and said goodbye. _'Goodbye, Edward. I love you, always.' _The voice in my head moaned at this, as if he were sad, which I wanted to believe he was. I closed my eyes, and waited for death to come.

The last things I remember was a brief blow of wind along my body, then I felt something against the back of my head and I fell down. I was dizzy, disoriented - something warm was running along the back of my head, I couldn't tell what. Eventually, the dark overcame me and I drifted away into nothingness - all the while thinking of my Edward and how I missed him so much.

**Alice POV**

God, life was so boring these days! All anyone ever did anymore was mope around. Esme was sad because Edward wasn't with us - Carlisle was constantly worrying about Edward - Emmet was down because his best friend wasn't here - Rosalie was mad because Edward broke this family - and Jasper, my Jasper, well, he shied away from everyone as much as possible. The feelings overwhelmed him, it was too much for him to be around anyone. He couldn't even stand to be around me most of the time, my emotions were so out of ballence.

No one was ever happy anymore, it sucked! I was depressed - I missed my brother - I missed Bella - I was angry at Edward for making us leave - and I was sneaking around, looking for Bella's future, though Edward had forbid me to do so. But I couldn't help it, I needed to know if she was alright.

So far, physically, she was alright. As alright as a klutz like Bella could be. But emotionally, she was far from okay. For four months, the only visions I saw were of her going through the daily motions, but she had looked like a zombie, dead. Then these past months she seemed to have snapped out of her zombie state, but she still looked terrible, broken.

The next vision I had hit me out of nowhere - a terrible, horrific vision. I saw Laurent - the vampire with the french accent that had belonged to James' coven - standing over Bella, who was lying on a bed blindfolded and tied up. I saw him groping her - I saw Bella waking up, scared to death - I saw Laurent kissing her and Bella shaking, then the vision cut off.

"No!" I cried out so loudly that all the vampires in the house came rushing to my side, afraid something bad had happened to me. Something bad had happened, but not to me. Jasper was the first by my side, followed by Carlisle and Esme, followed by Emmet and Rosalie. They all looked at me with worry written on their faces. For once, I was glad Edward wasn't here, because he would have flipped if he saw what I saw.

"Alice, what's wrong?" Jasper asked; he could feel my emotions - fear, pain, anger, loss. "Bella," I silently whispered and everyone grew more worried, exept one person - Rosalie. She rolled her eyes and said, "Ugh, her again. What is it this time? Did she fell over a rock and scraped her delicate little knee?" Sarcasm was dripping from her voice. I glared at Rosalie, how dare she turn this into a joke? This was anything but a joke!

"No, her knees are perfectly fine! But she won't be fine, not by a long shot," I said, venom in my voice, Rosalie shied away from my tone, as did the rest. Carlisle was the only one who remained perfectly calm. "Is Bella hurt? What did you see, Alice?" he asked, in his fatherly, calm voice - it soothed me a little.

"I saw Bella, she was blindfolded and tied up to a bed. Then I saw Laurent; he was groping her and kissing her. She was so scared, Carlisle," I said, everyone gasped, including Rosalie. She always made it perfectly clear she didn't like Bella because she thought she was a threat to our family, but she would never wish such a fate on anyone. She knew exactly what that could do to one's soul. I saw the anger in her eyes, heard the growl in her chest as she thought about what was happening. Esme had begun to sob, silently. Carlisle was silent, just as Jasper. Emmet seemed shocked and angry, he already viewed Bella as a little sister, just as I did, I knew this was hurting him. This was hurting all of us.

"What do we do, Carlisle?" Rosalie asked this time, Carlisle took a deep breath and spoke, "We call Edward, he needs to know. Then we search for her." I nodded, it was the best we could do for now. Calling Edward would be hard though, I knew from experience he wouldn't pick up his phone for a long time, until he got too annoyed to ignore the ringing. He would go wild when he heard about what happened; he would blame himself, the martyr he is.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Soulles Monster

**_A/N : Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, I'm glad you like it. I hope for this chapter you like the way I portrayed Laurent, and also, keep in mind that Edward is a very hard character to describe, so I hoped I did good in that department. Enjoy!_**

**Chapter 2: Soulles Monster**

**Laurent POV**

"He left. He and his family have been gone for months," Bella said, I could hear the emptyness and pain in her voice as she said this. The mind reader had left her - that was unexpected.

"Really?" Was my reply, and suddenly I got this brilliant idea in my head - one of pure evil, which I knew she saw by the way her eyes widened in fear. For the first time, I was wondering why I was doing Victoria's bidding; I didn't care about her or her vendeta against this girl's coven for killing James. I only stayed with them because they were powerfull, good allies. But there was no reason to stay with her now, no, I could do whatever I wanted. And what I wanted now, was this human girl who smelled delicious. She didn't smell the same to me as she did to the mind-reader, or she would have been dead already, but she did smell really good.

"That... changes... things...," I said as I looked over het tiny frame - she did look very eatable, in more ways than one. Oh, the things I could do to her. The ways I could make her scream. The possibilities were endless. I could already imagine he warm skin beneath me - her small posture trembling in fear - the ways I would clame her as my own. Just thinking about it turned me on more than I could have thought possible.

Without warning, I used my vampire speed to appear behind her and hit her on the head, causing her to fall down. I immediately smelled the blood flowing from the crack in her skull I caused. _'Oops!' _I could feel the venom in my mouth, the hunger for her blood. The monster inside my chest rumbled as it wanted nothing more than to devour her right there and then. But I was in control; I had recently fed so I was able to withstand the temptation to drain her. However, I couldn't resist a taste; I licked my tongue along the line of the blood, clearing her wound and tasting the sweet, hot blood.

Her blood tasted even better than it smelled. It smelled like a flower - fresia, maybe - and strawberries. I easily recognized the smell in the sweet, sugary taste of her blood. I almost lost my control and drained her, but again, I was strong enough to resist. I had to much in store for this fragile, little human. I wanted to have fun with her for a while before I did kill her. By the time I would finish, she would be nothing more than an animal begging for death, I would make sure of that. Suddenly, the things Victoria had planned for her seemed pretty merciful compared to what I was planning. I laughed out loud as I thought how those ideas had once disgusted even me! _'Ha!'_

I picked her up in my arms - she was mumbling the mind-reader's name over and over; it was funny how she talked in her sleep, she _was _a curious creature - and raced through the forest at full speed. I didn't want to get caught by the wolves - I had thought it impossible at first, but I could smell their stinking scent from miles away, the wolves were back.

I knew exactly where I was headed - a small cabin up in the deep forests near a small town California city called Greenville. I had bought that a long time ago, when I was first changed, to have somewhere to go when I wanted to clean myself up. I had never imagined it would be so handy one day.

**Edward POV**

My phone vibrated yet again in the pocket of my pants - someone in my family had called me 56 times already during the last two hours. I didn't know who it was, nor cared. I didn't move to answer it, I was completely still.

I had no idea how long it was since I last moved from this place I was in - a dark attic, completed with cobwebs, spiders, rats and cockroaches - or when I last fed. It could have been day, weeks, or even months - I hardly ever fed anymore, I deserved the fierce burning in my throat that accompanied the thirst I was in.

I deserved any pain I could get - I deserved the pain I felt without my sweet Bella's presence - I deserved the hatred I felt toward myself for lying to my love the way I did - I deserved it all. I was nothing more than an evil, soulles monster - Bella deserved more. Bella deserved to be happy, to smile; she deserved to be with someone normal, someone who couldn't accidently snap her neck if he weren't to careful. She was the purest soul I had ever met and she was going to stay that way, I made sure of that by leaving.

Oh, but how easy it would be to go back - to crawl on my hands and knees and beg her to take me back. The thought played in my head many times; the joy I would feel by having her in my arms again. How all of this pain, this torture, wouldn't matter if I were only with her.

But I couldn't go back - even if I did succumb to my desires, she would never take me back. I saw the look in her eyes when I told her I didn't want her - she believed it! I had thought it would take hours to convince her, but she had believed me right away. After all the times I said I loved her, one sentence, and she believed all that was a lie. I knew I was a great liar, but even so, she should have known better.

But then, what if she did take me back? What if she forgave me? Could I really do it, then? Condemn her to a soulles fate for the rest of her life? _'No!' _I could never do that. All of this excruciating misery was worth it if she remained human. I told myself that over and over again; it was worth it!

My phone vibrated again; I sighed, annoyed. I briefly contemplated throwing it against the wall so they couldn't bother me again, but decided against it. It had to be very important if they called me all the time. Without a second thought I answered the phone and snapped at the person on the other side, "What?!"

"Finally! Does it always take you hours to answer your phone?!" the voice on the other side, which I recognized as Rosalie's, asked. She sounded very stressed out and angry - the angry part fitted with her, but she never sounded so stressed out unless something was very wrong. I was instantly on my feet - the ceiling of the attic was high enough that I didn't hit my head, not that it would've hurt _me _- and pacing around, worrying something might've happened to my family.

"What's wrong?" I asked and heard Rosalie sigh; she clearly didn't want to be the one to give me whatever bad news she was about to give me. If something happened to anyone of my family, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. I would always wonder if something could have been changed if I were there to help.

"It's Bella," Rosalie said, I froze on the spot. Something was wrong with my Bella? And why did Rosalie sound so sad when she said her name? Rosalie hated Bella, she wouldn't care if anything happened to her. I was afraid to ask, I was afraid to hear the answer, but I needed to know. If my love was dead - it killed me to even think that - then I would soon follow. I knew from Carlisle's experience that death didn't came easily for a vampire, but he hadn't known the Volturi back then. If Bella were gone, I would go to the Volturi and beg for death or do something that would insure my undoing.

"Spit it out, Rose," I said through clenched teeth - my whole body was riggid, my hands were shaking as I was trying my best not to crush the phone as I held it, that would do no good.

"She's not dead, it's not that," Rosalie assured me, guessing where my thoughts were at. I relaxed a little at this news, but not entirely; I knew something bad had happened, it was clear in my sister's tone. "Then what?" I asked, my teeth were still clenched, my body was a little more relaxed, but I was still shaking, still afraid to death to hear what I was about to hear. It would be even more monstrous to live with myself knowing that something happened to Bella rather than one of my family. The guilt would be unbearable if something happened that I could have prevented by staying. Now more than ever, I wished I had gone back to my love to keep her safe. She was a danger magnet, I had said it many times, yet, I still left her.

"The nomad Laurent kidnapped her," Rose said - this time, I did crush the phone in my hand. I wanted to die right there and then, my Bella was taken by that monster because of me! If I hadn't have left her, she wouldn't be in this situation now! But if I had gone back, she would be stuck in a life she didn't belong in. Either way, I was the villain. Her life would have been safe if I had stayed away from her from the very beginning. I was nothing but a danger to her existence, even now when I wasn't in her life anymore. I was the worst of the worst monsters. There were no words for the evil, soulles, creature I was.

I left the safety of the attic and went in search for a fast car to steal. I needed to get to my family as soon as possible, and driving would go faster than running, especially when daybreak came. I would do anything in my power to save Bella, I owed her that much! And I would hunt down that bastard and kill him as slowly as I could, I would make him suffer!


	3. Search Party

**_A/N : Hi, thanks for the reviews and I hope you like this chapter. I wasn't originally planning on writing all the chapters in two different POV's, that was supposed to be for the first chapters only. But I thought about it and decided to write all the chapters in two differen't POV's. That way you can get a bigger feel on everyone's emotions during the story. Anyways, this is Charlie and Rosalie's POV's - I hope you're happy with the way I wrote them down. _**

**Chapter 3: Search Party**

**Charlie POV**

I was beginning to worry, it was past 7 already and Bella still wasn't home. I worried about my baby girl, she meant more to me than I showed, but I knew she knew how I felt about her. Usually, she would be home by now or she would call if she was running late.

I was getting anxious, afraid I would go out and find her in a zombie state again, as she had been the first four months after _he _had left. I couldn't even think about him without getting angry; I really thought he cared about her and then he up and left her without a word.

I decided to give the Stanley residence a call - Bella said she would be heading over there to work on her Math homework - and ask if she was still there and when she would be home. I dialed the number by heart - I knew Jessica's parent's well, as I did most of the townsfolk.

"Helly, Jessica Stanley speaking," the voice on the other side of the phone said - I was glad, she was exactly the person I needed to speak to.

"Good evening Jessica. This is Chief Swan, may I speak to Bella please?" I asked and Jessica answered, surprise in her voice, "Bella? She isn't here, sir." Did this mean she just left, then? But why was Jessica so surprised when I asked about her? "Oh, did she leave already?" I asked.

"I haven't seen Bella all day, sir. Was she supposed to be here?"

I sighed in frustration, Bella had lied to me - well, at least it was a step up from doing hardly anything normal anymore; she was acting like a teenager and lying to me. It should please me that she was acting like a normal 18 year-old, but Bella wasn't one to lie, something wasn't right.

"She said she made plans to come over and study with you - you know nothing of this?" I asked, as I was getting in full police investigation mode. My senses told me something was off.

"No, I'm sorry, I don't know anything," Jessica said, I thanked her and hung up. I called my best friend Billy Black after that, he also knew nothing. I called everyone I could think of - which was practically everyone in town - but no one knew anything.

By the time it was 8 o'clock I phoned over to my police station and told them to organize a search, Bella was missing. I wondered if she ran away, but I didn't believe that, if she wanted to leave she could have told me - she was a legal adult now, after all. Besides, my gut feeling said something was wrong, and I always trusted my feelings. I would find my daughter, even if it killed me!

**Rosalie POV**

"The nomad Laurent kidnapped her," I told Edward and the line went dead instantly - he must have broken the phone in his hand, I half expected that to happen. I knew he would be on his way now - Bella was his love, he would do anything to save her.

I felt angry for what was happening to Bella now - I knew well enough what it could do to ones spirit when someone raped you. And by the vision Alice had, I knew that was what Laurent was going to do - that scum! I felt guilty for treating Bella so bad now I knew what she was going through - I had never liked her because she was human and invading our world as if she were one of us, also, I felt a little jealous because of that and because Edward seemed to find her attractive and not me.

I wanted to kick myself in the head now for thinking like that; it seemed so trivial now. All I could feel for Bella now was empathy, all the bad feelings were gone.

"Rose?" I snapped out of my train of thoughts when Emmet called me back to the present, I sighed. "I think he's coming, I'm not sure, though. I think he snapped his phone in two when I told him about the nomad and Bella," I said, usually, my Emmet would chuckle when he heard something like that, but he was nothing but serious now. I used to find it annoying that Emmet cared so much for her too - it was only now that I realized he was upset for his little sister, because that's what she meant for the family.

I didn't want to admit it - to no one, let alone to myself - but Bella was the glue that held this family together. When we left her, we fell apart - I knew it was because of that, these past months I wanted to believe it was only because Edward was gone - that they only missed him, but they missed Bella as well. They missed the clumzy little human that would blush every minute when she was put on the spot.

"He's on his way, I see it. He's very angry with himself," Alice said - she was looking into the future for signs of Bella and Edward, it seemed she was looking for everything.

"Charlie organized a search party for her, they're out looking as we speak," Alice added, everyone nodded. We were all busy trying to figure out a way to save Bella - Carlisle was in his study, researching - Esme was on the phone with the airport, booking us a flight to Phoenix, we would drive to Forks from there - Jasper was trying to control everyone's emotions as well as his own, while watching over Alice who was still looking for signs in the future - and Emmet was holding my hand as I contemplated everything.

"We'll find her," I whispered to myself more than anyone else, but I knew they heard, we all had super hearing. Emmet responded by giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I smiled at him and gave him a peck on the cheek, he stroked my hair as a thank you.

I was positive we would find her - with Alice and Edward's abilities, it shouldn't be so hard. But when we did find her, what state would she be in? Not only physically, but mentally?

I could still remember how I felt after my rape; I was so angry, I was still angry. It had gotten better over the years, but I was bitter about what happened and how it changed my life. I never really got over it - no one knew how much I stil thought about it, no one but Edward, but he didn't say anything about it to anyone.

Bella would be broken, that much I was sure. The only thing I didn't know is how broken she would be. Would she ever be able to be herself again? Or would she just be an empty shell? Humans are fragile, especially when getting over something like that. It was easier for me because I had turned into a vampire, but it wouldn't be so easy for her. For Bella, it would be hell. That much I knew.

**_A/N: Please do tell me what you think. Reviews are like my own personal brand of heroin and make me update sooner, thanks._**


	4. life proved me wrong

**_A/N: Hey all, I just wanted to say thank you for the support and reviews, it means a lot :D Longest chapter yet, yay! I hope you like it. Just a little warning, things are a little graphic here, but not much, but it will get very graphic, soon. Enjoy your read :)_**

**Chapter 4: Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, life proved me wrong.**

**Jacob POV**

I never knew life could get even worse than it already was; apparently, I was wrong. First, I found out I was some freak - a wolf. It turned out all those vampire and wolf legends my tribe always told me were true - vampires did in fact exist, and so did the wolves that were their natural enemies - me!

I hated myself now - I was nothing more than a monster - and it was all _their _fault; those filthy bloodsuckers Bella loved so much, the Cullens! They had turned me into a freak show, as my best friend Embry and several others - and more would follow, we were sure.

To top it all off, I was forced to avoid Bella - it had been weeks since I'd seen her. But that wasn't the worst of it all - today, when I came home, Billy told me Bella was missing and Charlie was organizing a search party for her. Billy told me Charlie was very worried that something bad was happening - he thought that maybe she went in the woods and the _bears _attacked her.

Everyone was so scared of all the bear sightings that had been reported lately - they thought the bears were responsible for all the missing hikers and campers. They had no idea that what they thought were bears was actually my wolf pack and that we were trying to protect the people from the real danger - vampires.

There was a vampire on the loose in the woods, two, actually - we had come across two different scents, but one seemed to have left again, while the other stayed. We had been hunting him without success; he was still killing people and getting away from us.

So, when Billy told me the news about Bella, I quickly ran into the forest - changed into my wolf form - and howled, alerting the others of my pack. Almost instantly, I was joined by the rest of the pack, they weren't with me yet, but I could hear their thoughts. Yeah, another weird thing, when we were in our wolf form, our minds were connected - really creepy.

_'What's up Jake, why the meeting?' _Embry asked, I didn't answer him yet as I was bombarded by other questions of the others of the pack - all except Sam - our pack leader - he seemed to be searching for the answer in my mind, but I blocked it out and thought of nothing but my disgust for being a wolf - I wanted to tell them myself.

_'Did you smell another vampire in the area? I don't smell one now,' _Jared's voice sounded in my head - of course he would automatically think of vampires - and of course he didn't smell one now, we weren't very deep in the forest yet, not vampires came so clear to this line.

_'This better be good - Bruce Lee was kicking ass on TV,' _Paul complained, he never was one for patience.

_'Quiet everyone. Let Jacob speak,' _Sam interceded, immediately, everyone was quiet and waited for me to speak.

_'Charlie called the house - Bella's missing. No one knows where she went or where she is. She told her dad she was meeting up with a friend, but the friend knew nothing about it,' _I spoke, it took less than a second before the other voices sounded in my head again - variegating from surprise, to irritation. Again, Sam stayed silent, at the time being.

_'Bella's missing again? Jeez, wonder what state she'll be in this time,' _Jared's voice sounded in my head - he was remembering the night Sam had found her in the woods, she had looked horrible - I cringed as I listened to the others.

_'She probably just ran away - no one cares,'_ Paul thought, by which I snarled at him - Sam calmed us both by letting out a small growl of his own. Paul wasn't offended by my behavior - he just continued to think about how weird it was that I was in love with someone who loved a leech.

_'We'll find her, Jake, don't worry,' _Embry said, I thanked him, I could always count on him to have my back - besides, he liked Bella too, he wished he knew her as well as me.

_'Do you think she ran away, Jacob?' _Sam asked me, I shook my big, russet, brown-tinted, wolf head. I didn't think she ran away, I knew she would never do that to Charlie - she cared for him too much.

_'Do you have any idea where she might be?' _Sam continued to question me; I thought about it and came up with a few answers.

_'Maybe, she was talking about going cliff-diving, or she could be at the little patch of land we rode our motorcycles on...' _I thought for another second and came up with one last answer, _'Before my change, we were searching for this little meadow she said she stumbled upon once, I think it meant more to her than she led on. She could have gotten tired of waiting for me and maybe went to search for it on her own and got lost. I don't know exactly where it is, but I know where to start. If I'm lucky, I can still follow her scent,' _I said, glad I at least had some idea of where she might be. Maybe I was just overreacting and she was just lost - but something in my gut told me it was much worse than that.

Then, Sam started giving out orders; he made sure we all went in a different direction in search for Bella. _'Embry, go to the motorcycle ground, see if you can track her from there. Paul, go to the cliffs, maybe she went there. Jared, you take the outer perimeter of the forest, keep watch, just in case. Jacob, I will go with you to the meadow,' _Sam said, we all agreed and went on our way. I knew the reason Sam stayed with me was because I was fairly new to all this and emotionally involved in our search now.

_'She looks better in your memories than in mine,' _Sam suddenly said, I knew what he was talking about - he was referring to the last time he saw her, when he found her in the forest, and to the times I saw her.

_'She looks better, but still pretty broken. Those fucking leeches really did a number on her,' _I almost growled my response. We were both silent after that, running toward the beginning path Bella and I always started at to find her meadow - if she had gone that way today, he scent would still be fresh, even if it was hours ago.

When we reached the path, her scent immediately hit me and I knew she had gone this way - I broke into a faster run, following my smell, her scent - Sam was a few paces behind me, I was faster than him.

It took only a few minutes to reach the meadow - Bella was right, it was beautiful - but I had no time to revel in the beauty of it as another scent hit me with much more power than Bella's. It was the scent of a vampire - a fucking leech!

There was no sign of them or any option to follow the leech's scent - it was all over the place, if we followed it, we would go on a wild goose chase. My knees - paws, technically, all four of them - buckled in and I fell to the ground, howling. I was crying, I knew Sam knew why and I knew the others could see the reason behind my distress in my mind.

Bella was dead, just as so many others lately, the vampire had gotten to her. We would most likely never even find her body, those fuckers were good at covering their tracks.

_'I'm sorry, Jacob.' _Sam's condolences meant nothing to me - nothing could ever mean anything to me ever again now that she was gone; she was my everything, my new moon. I had been faced by a clouded moon for so long, I didn't even realize it, until she came along and all the clouds disappeared, revealing a new moon to me.

But it didn't matter now, she was gone. She was never coming back and there was nothing I could do about it. Despite all my new strength, I had never felt more weak and helpless in my life. I wanted to die...

**Bella POV**

_'Am I dead? Is that why I'm in the dark? What happened? Oh, right, Laurent. He killed me?! But wait, if I'm dead, then why is my head throbbing? Shouldn't death be peaceful and pain-free? Then why am I hurting and scared? Am I even dead? Should I open my eyes? Should I keep them closed, hoping I'm dead? What do I do?'_

As I was in the dark, all these thoughts raced through my aching head, and I realized I was not dead. Dead people aren't scared nor do they feel pain. My eyes were closed, I was afraid to open them, afraid to face the music, as the saying goes.

I knew I was in danger, I could feel it in my bones. I remembered the way Laurent looked at me in the meadow - I had never been so terrified in my life, not even when James was torturing last spring. I had hoped he would kill me and throw whatever thoughts he had out the window - I guess my wish didn't come true.

Eventually, I decided to open my eyes - I would have to sooner or later. As I opened them, I was met by a new sort of darkness - not the darkness I was in first, a lighter one, but still dark. It seemed as if something was covering my eyes, preventing me from seeing anything. That's when I noticed the position I was lying in - I couldn't see it, but I could feel it.

My arms were spread out - like the wings of an eagle - and my wrists were tied to something, it hurt. It was the same for my legs, they were spread out and my ankles were tied to something. My heart was beating rapidly as my body began shaking fiercely.

I saw nothing, but felt everything - I could feel some-one's presence near me, watching, observing. I knew who it was; it could only be him, Laurent. I didn't want him near me - I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be in the safe arms of my love, Edward - the hole in my chest starting aching as I thought of him. I wished he were here to tell me what to do, even if it was only my delusion of him, but his voice was nowhere with me; it had gone, left me, abandoned me, just as Edward - cringe - left me so many months ago.

Laurent's icy presence was getting closer to me - I could feel the cold emanating from him as he approached me, at a slow pace it seemed, making me shiver in response. I had a faint idea of what he was planning with me, but it was so horrible I couldn't dare believe it - I wished he had brought me here just to torture and kill me, nothing more.

Suddenly, I felt his cold hands on me, touching me. I shook even harder now as he let his hands move over every inch of my body - I desperately wanted to die now; I didn't want this to happen to me, not this. My body was meant for Edward and him alone, even if he didn't want me, I wanted to be with no one else, especially not this way.

I was so frightened, repulsed and embarrassed at the same time. I could feel his icy hands on my legs, moving up to my thighs - my stomach - I wanted to throw up when he touched my breasts under my bra, squeezed them, played with them even - but the worst part was when his lips touched mine. I refused to co-operate in this kiss, I kept my lips tightly shut, but it was of no use; he forced them open and showed his tongue inside my mouth. He twirled it around my tongue, trying to make me dance with him, I refused. His kiss was violent and revolting, nothing like my love's had been - sweet, tender and loving.

My lips were bruising by his touch - I could feel the pain from it already. My heart was beating out of control and I felt so much shame that I let this monster anywhere near me. I wanted to scream - kick - fight back - anything, but I couldn't do a single damn thing. The only thing I had left to be thankful for was that I was still fully clothed, I could feel the fabric of them on my skin. Not that that stopped him from moving his hands under them, as he had done before.

After what seemed like eternity, Laurent broke the kiss and moved away from me - I no longer felt his presence by my side. I was grateful he decided to stop there, but scared at the same time. I knew he was planning much more and wondered why he just didn't get it over with and kill me afterward.

Laurent's voice shook me out of my reverie. "You taste delicious, sweet Bella. I can't wait for more. Rest now, you'll need your strength." He chuckled as he said the last part - the way he said it made it sound menacing and made me shudder - and then, I heard a door open and click shut. He was gone - for now.

I was alone once more, alone with my thoughts. The only thing I could think of as the tears ran down my face, was how stupid and irresponsible I had been. What had I been thinking by going to that meadow alone?! I knew better than anyone how dangerous the woods could be - what was out there. Even with Charlie's warning about the bear, I still ignored my own safety and went there. The idea of running into a bear seemed almost welcoming now; I would take being shredded by a bear ten times over this fate.

Not only had I been irresponsible and foolish by going into the forest alone, but also when I rode the bike. I could have killed myself with that motorcycle. What would that have done to Charlie? Charlie - I moaned aloud as I thought of him. What was he thinking now? Did he think I was killed by the bear? I could only imagine what pain he would be in now - what pain I had caused him. I hoped this didn't hurt him too much, and he would be happy again, once. It was the only think I could wish for that might actually happen.

Because, no matter how much I wished for death to come soon, or for Laurent not to do what he was planning to do to me, I knew it was idle hope. Laurent would use me until I was nothing, then he would kill me. And I had a feeling death would not come any time soon...

**_A/N: So, what do ya'll think? Like it or not? Tell me! Want to see someone's POV in particular, tell me! Remember, I live on these reviews. Oh, and just a little something to please you all, everyone who reviews this chapter will get a little hint of what will happen in this story in the future. So, if you'd like a hint, review. Thanks!_**


	5. All My Fault

**_A/N: Hi everyone, it's update time :D First, I just want to say that I was stunned by the amount of reviews I recieved for last chapter. 19 reviews, WAW! That's amazing, and I all want to thank you ;-) And as a thank you, I tried to make this chapter the longest yet, and it worked: 3459 words, yay!!! I hope you like it, a lot! Oh, and underneath here is a little something for your short entertainment. Bella and Edward wanted to say a few things:_**

**_Bella: Hey?! What the hell are you doing to me?! Why isn't Edward saving me yet?!  
Edward: Yeah, why aren't I?!  
Me: Bella, Edward, shut up!!! This is my story, and I'll do with it what I want. Thank you very much._**

**_So, thanks for reading this stupid little part and now on with the chapter. I hope you enjoy it. I worked hard on it. Oh, and I don't own a thing, SM does._**

**Chapter 5: All My Fault**

**Laurent POV**

When I reached my secluded, little cabin, I carried Bella inside and placed her unconscious form on the bed in the bedroom - it was weird for a vampire to have a bed, but it was mostly used for my moments of pleasure; it had better use now. I then proceeded to tie her up with some rope I had lying around - I tied the knots so tight so she wouldn't be able to break free even if she tried. I spread her arms and tied her wrists to either end of the headboard of the bed, I did the same with her legs and ankles.

She looked so fragile - her breathing was shallow - and I loved it; I couldn't wait to begin my torturous evil doings on her. I had never used a human in such a way - usually I just fed of them and then dumped the body somewhere - and it would be a thrilling experience to do so now. I had so much in mind, I wasn't even sure if she would survive half of it. I wasn't even sure if she would survive my entity in her, so I decided to wait a little longer before taking that step. I didn't want her to die just yet, I would have my fun first.

However, while I had decided to wait entering her for now, I had not decided I wouldn't have some pleasure already. I could feel her up a little without killing her - I knew I could control my strength that much.

"Edward," Isabella moaned; I chuckled. She had been saying his name over and over again for the past 8 hours, ever since I knocked her out - I had hit her pretty hard, she still hadn't come to. I found it funny to listen to her pleas for her love - who didn't seem to love her; I couldn't blame him, she was only human after all - to come and save her. No-one would ever save her, I would make sure that she believed that and forget all about him and any ties that connected her to a human life. Her human life was over; she was nothing more than an animal now, a pet to play with.

And play I would, I had so much in store for her. I even had some ideas that weren't really torture, more experiments than anything, but it would be fun to watch it play out.

Suddenly, I heard her heart accelerate - her body began to shake violently - she was awake. I remained in the spot where I was - the corner in the far end of the small room - watching her as she shook and moved her arms and legs around to try and free herself from her chains; it wouldn't work and she knew it - I could tell she knew by the way her arms and legs gave up and all she did now was shake and cry; tears were streaming down her face - I saw them blinking on her pale skin, sickly looking, skin.

I moved closer to her, walking at a human pace as that seemed to terrify her even more, and watched her trembles increase as she felt my presence near her. I smiled to myself, this was much more entertaining than just draining her blood, though that would happen anyway, in the end.

I bowed down near the bed - a senseless action since I could easily do what I wanted to while standing up - and placed my hands on bella's legs, just above her feet (she was still wearing her shoes, for now) and grinned when she shook even more violently now. I moved my hands up her legs - to her thighs, I rubbed them gently, not wanting to hurt her too much, yet - then to her stomach.

Her body was perfect in every way - she probably didn't feel that way about herself, but she truly was an exceptional beautiful human being - it was what lured me to do this in the first place. I moved my ice-cold hands under her T-shirt, giving her goose bumps with my touch - her skin was soft and almost warm-like - and felt my way up to her breasts. I slipped my hands under her bra - she had small breasts, they fit perfectly in my hands, as if they were meant for my hands and mine alone. I couldn't resist myself as I started playing with them - my movement became roughed as I 'massaged' them, definitely leaving bruises behind.

I was getting aroused as I did this; this was making me more horny than any female vampire had ever managed to do, it was fantastic! I had no idea how long I toyed with her intimate, little breasts, before I released them and proceeded to her lips.

I planted my lips on hers and kissed her, violently - all the gentleness was out the window now - I was rough with her. She refused to acknowledge my touch; she pressed her lips tightly together. She was no match for me, though - I quickly forced her mouth open and slipped my tongue inside her wet mouth, forcing her tongue to dance with mine. Even her lips - her tongue and mouth - tasted delicious, almost as good as her blood. Though no part of her could taste better than her blood; I was positive about that.

I felt her lips bruise under mine as I forced my kisses on her - I couldn't wait to see the full affect of it on her, it would be very satisfactory. Eventually, I pulled away, and in full vampire speed moved back to my earlier spot in the corner of the room.

I saw the corners of her mouth turn down in disgust and her trembling easing slightly - I was pleased with the effect I had on her; I had scared her shit-less. I contemplated leaving her alone without a word - maybe frighten her even more by doing so - but I couldn't help myself, I had to say something.

"You taste delicious, sweet Bella. I can't wait for more. Rest now, you'll need your strength," I said, chuckling at the end - I said the last part with menace in my voice, I could tell by her sudden shudder she realized I didn't mean it in a friendly way. I said no more then; I walked to the door at vampire speed, opened it, walked out, shut it behind me and went to the woods to hunt.

If I wanted to be able to keep resisting her blood, I had to hunt much more frequently now, not that that bothered me - one more human didn't matter to me; I cared nothing for their species. I would hunt far away from my cabin - I had no intention of drawing attention to myself, not yet, at least.

This had all turned out much better than I had hoped for; so far, there was no sign of her coven - though I didn't expect them since they left her, I was on my guard - nor was there any sign of the wolves, my little trick of leaving my scent all over the forest must have worked, they couldn't follow me.

I had a feeling that I could stay here forever with that weak human, and no one would ever find me. But, I had no intention of keeping her around for forever - a few months, maybe a year or so, depending on how much I enjoy myself with her. Nor had I any intention of turning her in the end - I had no emotional attachment to her; it was purely physical and for pleasure, of course. When I would have enough of her presence, I would simply kill her and dispose of her body - just like I has disposed of so many bodies before her. The only difference between her and my other meals would be what I would do to her before I killed her. That was all.

Who knew, maybe, after she was dead and gone, I would get myself a new pet - I was beginning to enjoy this game of mine; it was far more exiting than simply hunting and eating. But for now, I would keep her around, I wasn't finished with her by a long shot, and she knew it.

**Edward POV**

I was in luck, I had been able to steal a fast and good-looking car - a black Ferrari. I would be with my family in less than half an hour and I could start looking for Bella too.

Bella, my Bella, was in this situation because of me - because of my stubbornness to keep her safe from me; I actually doomed her. If I had never left, she would be safe now - safe in my arms, where I could protect her till the end of time. But I had walked away from her, from my life, and now she was paying the price. It should be me who was suffering, instead, it was her.

Nothing about this was fair; nothing about this was right - it was all wrong. It was as if my world had turned upside down for the 3rd time in an extremely short period - the first time being when I first met her - the second time being when I left her, which I would never forgive myself. Bella had brought me to life in so many ways I could never thank her enough. She taught me how to love, how to become more in touch with my human emotions again. It turned my entire reason for living upside down, it was amazing. Then I up and left her - lied to her in such a way it was beyond evil - and turned everything around once again. Now, everything was upside down yet again - Bella was gone, in harms way, and I was safe in this car, hoping with all my might I would find her, soon.

I was afraid I would never find her and she would die, all because of me. But I was more afraid that if we did find her, what it would be we would find. Would she be the same person she used to be? Probably not, people change after experiencing such horrific events as she would have to endure. Would she still want me? That's what scared me the most - wondering if she would still want me after the pain I caused her. I doubted she would still love me; I was a monster, after all, no one could love me.

Though this all scared me more than anything, I would do anything in my power to find her. It wasn't because I was scared she wouldn't want me anymore, I wouldn't fight for her, because I would. I would fight for her till the end of days; I would find her and avenge her by killing the nomadic vampire with much pleasure. For once, I wanted to give in to the roaring monster inside me and let it take over when I finally kill Laurent. Because I would find and kill him, I was positive of that.

I couldn't imagine what Bella had to be going through at this very moment. Had he raped her yet? Because from the tone of Rosalie's voice, I knew he had to be planning that, or else she wouldn't have felt so sad for Bella. Or was he playing with her first? Torturing her? How long would it take him to kill her? On one hand, she was probably wishing for death right about now, and it would be easier for her. But on the other hand, I hoped he was delaying killing her - even if it meant he was hurting her - so I would be able to find her in time. It was quite the dilemma; if he continued to hurt her, she would have a better chance at staying alive for now - if he just raped her, got it over with and killed her, she wouldn't have to endure his torture anymore. I didn't know which one I wanted more.

No, I did know - I wanted her to stay alive, at all cost, even if it meant she was hurting. I should be killed on the spot for wishing she was hurting now so she would be kept alive. It was a selfish, evil thought that only a creature such as I would think of. If she was hurting, it was my fault. If she was dead, it was my fault. But I wouldn't rest - figure of speech, since I couldn't sleep, ever - until I found her or until I was sure she was dead. If she was dead - Alice would know - I would follow soon after. If she was still alive, I would find her, even if I had to search through every inch of this freakin' earth.

No matter what the outcome - if I found her alive or dead - I would always blame myself. Forget about the fact that I caused this by leaving her, if I had never entered her world, she would know nothing of mine and wouldn't be in this appalling situation. I was the reason her life had turned out like this - I was an abomination.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I reached my family's home - it was a large, white house (much as our house in Forks) on the outskirts of New York - it was our vacation home, where we retreated from the outside world when he had enough of it at times.

I didn't bother to drive all the way up the driveway, as soon as I reached the beginning of the driveway, I stamped my breaks and skidded to a stop. I didn't get out right way, instead, I listened in on the action inside the house - I knew they had heard me arrive and Alice had seen, they knew I was here. They weren't speaking, but I could hear their every thought. I listened very carefully, starting with Alice; I needed to see what she had seen.

_'I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't see in time,' _Alice apologized to me in her mind, knowing I was listening. I scoffed at the fact that she was sorry, she had nothing to be sorry about. She had tried to stop me from leaving my Bella, if I had listened, she would be safe now. No, Alice wasn't the one who had to be sorry, I was.

Then, she showed me her vision - it hit me like an 18 wheeler truck would hit a human - it was revolting, if I were able to throw up, I would have been doing so this very moment. What I saw, I never wanted to see in my entire life. I saw Bella - terrified, crying - she was blindfolded and tied to a bed. The nomad, Laurent, was there; he was touching Bella in her most intimate places - groping her, disgusting her. Then, the worst part came, he kissed her! That volatile creature was kissing my love, bruising her lips by the looks of it.

I was growling at the image, pissed off - the steering wheel of the car, which I was still holding on to, broke in my hands; it snapped in little pieces due to my fury - I was so angry, at the nomad for hurting my love, at Bella for not keeping her promise to stay safe - though I knew she was at no fault in this, I just couldn't help myself - and at myself for being the monster that I was, for existing. I shouldn't live, no one of my kind should live, we should be a myth. If we had been a myth, Bella would be safe now. I hated myself for existing.

Someone else's thoughts crossed me then; I wasn't searching for Rosalie's thoughts, and she wasn't communicating with me, but she was drawn to my attention with the things she was thinking. _'I really hope we find Bella, I feel so guilty about what's happening. Maybe, if I had been nicer to her, Edward would have stayed and none of this would have happened. She doesn't deserve this, nobody does. I didn't deserve to have Royce and his friend rape me, but they did. They did and they very nearly broke me. I don't want to see that happen to her.' _Of course Rose would think about Royce at a time like this, she thought about him almost every single day; no one knew that besides me. But I was surprised she was feeling guilty for what was happening to Bella - she had nothing to be guilty about; I left her because it wasn't safe, not because Rose didn't like her. I should tell her that, but I couldn't, not now - I couldn't comfort anyone now.

_'I am so gonna rip that evil bastard into pieces when I find him! How dare he hurt my baby sister?! I will find them!' _Emmett was growling in his mind; he cared for Bella a lot, I never really realized that until now - his thoughts weren't usually this serious. Usually, he just said what he thought; not now though. No one was saying what they were thinking, no one was saying anything, actually. Just thinking.

_'Poor Bella. What is my daughter going through?' _Esme thought; she still viewed Bella as a daughter and her thoughts were those of concern only - concern for her safety. It was such a typical Esme thing, to be so concerned and not have any violent thought - she held the most love of us all, it was her gift.

_'God, these emotions are killing me. It was bad enough before any of this happened - I couldn't even be around anyone then - it was a million times worse now. Ugh, sometimes being an empath really sucks. I want to feel sad for Bella, but I can't because I have to keep everyone's emotions in check. I want to feel guilty, because it was my fault we had to leave her, but I can't. I have to be in control of myself, for everyone's sake,' _Jasper thought.

I felt even more angry with myself when I heard his thoughts. He thought it was all his fault, it wasn't, not at all. He had nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about; it was all on me, only me. But I couldn't make that clear to everyone, I just couldn't. It was too much to deal with.

_'Edward, please come inside.' _Carlisle's voice was in control, but it sounded sadder than usual as he pleaded for me to come in. I wanted to, badly - I needed to, to find Bella. But I couldn't seem to find the strength to leave the confinement of this car; I couldn't seem to leave this solitude I had gotten so accustomed to these past, long months.

I sighed, I would have to go in at some point, it might as well be now. I opened the door and was about to step outside and go in the house at vampire speed when I saw Alice having another vision. It was worst than the last one, much worse. I moaned and snarled at the same time (if that was even possible) as I watched the vision play out in Alice's mind and crush my spirit even further.

"No!" I yelled and rushed inside the house to find Alice sobbing in Jasper's arms while he - unsuccessfully - tried to comfort and calm her. The others were all gathered around her, anxious to heard what she saw, knowing it would not be good. I fell to my knees, held my head into my hands and dry sobbed. I felt someone's hand on my shoulder, though I hardly registered it. All I could think of now was Alice's vision and the pain that accompanied it. All because of me! I was broken; the vision had broken whatever was still left in me and I was floating away into nothingness. I knew I had to fight this feeling, I had to be strong. But I didn't see how I could do that now, not after what I just saw. It was just too terrible for words.

**_A/N: So, that was it. I hope you liked it and well, this time, since I know how much ya'll can review, I'm gonna beg a litttle. Nah, I aint gonna do that. Here's the deal:_**

**_5 reviews : short chapter (ah, come on, I know you can do better than that)_**

**_10 reviews : normal chapter (you can still do better)_**

**_15 reviews : long chapter (you know you can do it)_**

**_My goal is to reach 60 reviews, I will update if I have them or not, don't worry, I'm not that evil. But it's just 15 reviews, that's not so much, huh? So, help me out and help me reach 60 reviews, you'd really make my day by doing so. So, come on, go ahead and tell me what you thought of this chapter. It's okay, I don't bite, not humans anyways. Okay, okay, I'll shut up now. Thanks and see you next time._**

* * *

Oh, almost forgot, everytime I update now, I will recommend another story here on - a Twilight story, of course. And tell you what I think of it. So here's my recommendation of the day:

_**Story: **Unforgetable Sin  
**Summary: **_Bella, who has seen things no one should ever see is emotionally scarred. When the cullens arrive will they be able to save Bella from herself? Or will she drag them down with her? Crappy summary good story. Dark and ooc.  
_**Written by: **twihead22796 and Twilights-mystery  
**My opinion: **I think it's rather good and it has me intrigued. I'm curious to find what will happen next. It holds my interest. It's not boring and not over-exagerated. A good read.  
**Link:** .net/s/4979617/1/Unforgetable_Sin (just ad fanfiction before it)_


	6. Branded

_**A/N: I ask for 15 reviews, you all freaking give me 26 reviews! YOU ROCK! I can't thank everyone who reviewed enough! THANK YOU! Also, thank you to those who added this story to their allert and favorites list, I owe you bigtime! So, this chapter is longer than the last: 3892 words. Still not long enough, but I'm getting there chapter by chapter, I promise! Anyway, read on and enjoy!**_

**Chapter 6: Branded**

**Alice POV**

Edward was still sitting in his car, unwilling to come inside, listening in on everyone's thoughts. I had apologized to him for not seeing this before it was too late and now I was looking into Bella and Laurent's future again, trying to find any sign of where they might be. So far, I was only getting faint glimpses of the future; nothing clear enough to recognize or to be of aid to me and my family.

I was rather annoyed with my stupid gift; I felt as if it were failing me in my greatest hour of need. I felt as if I were useless and my entire world was crumbling down, which was very uncharactaristic of me - I had always been the perky one, the happy, energetic one. Even when we were forced by Edward to leave Bella behind, I was still the most energetic of the bunch, even though I missed my little sister and best friend more than anything. Now, I felt none of that happyness of brightness - I just felt empty, as if my mind and body had accepted what my heart couldn't - we weren't going to find Bella in time.

The vision hit me as soon as I heard Edward's car door open; it was an appaling vision, much more dreadful than the last one I had, and that one had been horrible!

Different flashes hit me at once; one of Laurent burning Bella with something - Bella sounding out a bloodcurling scream - a flash of a syringe, though I had no idea what that could possible mean - a completely naked and bruised Bella - and worst of all, I saw a flash of a Bella I didn't recognize at all; a Bella that was there in physical appearance, but lost in mind, completely cut of from any emotions, by the looks of it. I heard Edward growl and moan at the same time - was that even possible? - and rush inside.

I began sobbing uncontrollably in Jasper's chest; he tried to send calming waves towards me, but it was of no use, I couldn't calm down, not when everything was falling apart around me. I heard Edward dry sobbing and Carlisle whispering soothing words to him the same way Jasper was doing to me, but I payed little attention to it all.

I wasn't sure when those visions would play out - they could even change depending on the decisions made, but I was sure we had to find Bella before the last vision played out. If we didn't, we'd never get her back. Even if we found her alive after that, she would be a lost cause to help and knowing that, seeing that, was the most painfull thing I had ever seen in my entire existence.

I didn't know how long it took for me to feel the effect of Jasper's waves of calmness - it could have been minutes, hours or even days, I wasn't paying attention to time - but I did eventually calm down and the sobbing finally stopped. I looked up in Jasper's eyes for the first time since my breakdown and saw they were filled with pain and remorse - I understood the pain, he was feeling it from both myself and Edward and possibly other family members and maybe he even felt it himself, but why the remorse? What did he have to feel guilty about?

Then it hit me - we had left Bella after Jasper attacked her and Edward didn't think it safe for her to be around us anymore, which resulted in our departure, which resulted in her kidnapping - he felt as if it were his fault Bella was where she was now, wheverer that could be. Realizing that, made me even sadder and dismayed than before; my mate was taking the silent blame on himself. Though, he was not the only one, we all blamed ourselves for leaving her - I also blamed myself for not seeing it in time. But I didn't want Jasper to blame himself; he had been through enough in his life, he didn't have to go through this as well. I wanted to say something to him, assure him that no one blamed him - we were all too busy blaming ourselves - but Rosalie spoke before I even had the chance to utter one syllable.

"What did you see Alice? What's happening?" She asked, her voice was filled with apathy - she was as numbed by the situation as the rest of us, though she had always shown great aversion towards Bella. However, I understood her new attitude; she had been through an immensely painfull situation herself, which led to her new life as a vampire and her forever remaining bitterness because of it. She, presumably more than any of us, understood what Bella was going through. She understood the pain Bella would be feeling right about now, she understood, the rest of us just imagined. Though, Edward probably understood as well as Rosalie, having the inside knowledge of her most private thoughts.

I explained my vision - or better said; multiple flashes - to them as I watched Edward warily. He had never looked more like a vampire than in this very moment. He was completely still, his eyes darker than they had ever been, hatred in his eyes and guilt dripping of him in large waves. Rosalie had punched the wall by the time I had finished - Emmett was holding onto Rosalie now, trying to keep her from destroying any more property, though it was clear he wanted to do the same - Esme was dry sobbing now as I was before, while Jasper tried to calm her and everyone else, without sending out his own feelings to us - Carlisle was deep in thought, his expression disturbed - and I was, well, I couldn't describe what I was at this particular moment, there were no words for what I felt.

"We need to catch our plane to Phoenix - it would be bad if we missed it," Carlisle finally broke the silence - he was usually the calmest, most controlled of us all, but it was obvious he was seething with anger and hurt, though he tried his best to hide it.

I looked into the future to see when we would catch our plane; we still had plenty of time. It seemed that we were all thinking hours had passed, when really only minutes have passed.

"We still have a few hours, we have time," I said, the entire family nodded, except for Edward, who was still frozen in place. He would come out of it on his own, we just needed to give him some time, there wasn't anything any of us could do now anyway.

Another vision hit me, a vision I wasn't even looking for - it was one of a distraught looking Charlie standing before what appeared to be microphones, holding a picture of Bella in his hands. He seemed to be struggling to hold in his tears.

I released myself from Jasper's comforting arms, raced over to the TV, grabbed the remote, and turned it on. As soon as I did so, I was staring at the vision I had just seen in my mind, on live national television. As soon as Charlie's voice filled the livingroom, everyone of my family was standing before the television, watching it intently. Even Edward had unfrozed and was now standing next to me, his eyes glued to the television set, taking in every word Charlie said, though he had already seen it in my vision.

_"My d-daughter, Isabella Swan, disappeared sometime between 10 am and 7 pm, yesterday. We have found no trace for her and are urging anyone with any information to step forward and call the special tip-line" _Charlie said - he struggled at first, but soon changed into police mode. When he mentioned the tip-line, a number appeared at the bottom of the screen.

I sighed, Bella had gone missing and I only saw it today? I was utterly and completely useless! I should have seen it earlier! If she indeed went missing around 10 am, then that meant she had been captivated for over 24 hours already. I glanced at the clockwatch behind me; it was 3 pm already. I was scared for what Laurent might have done to her already in such a short time - I knew the groping had already happened. But what else had also happened so far? I continued to listen to Charlie, who was now holding up Bella's picture as the camera's closed in on it and spoke in a fatherly, broken, tone of voice.

_"I-I don't know w-where my Bella is, but I hope you can hear me, sweetie. I love you, a-and I WILL find you, I p-promise. Just, just h-hold on," _He stammered, tripping over his words. A single tear was running down his face by the time he finished; he was falling apart on the scene.

The picture changed from Charlie to a female news reporter sitting in a studio - it was the CNN news, of course. The woman had short, orange-like coloured hair and was looking directly into the monitor - reading off the words that appeared on the screen.

_"What you just saw, was the image of a broken father looking for his daughter, Isabella Swan. As said, Bella disappeared sometime yesterday and has not been seen or heard from since. So we would strongly urge you to come forth with any information or dial the tip-line. A nation-wide search has been launched in order to find this missing teenager and we, here at CNN, will give you regular updates on the progress in this case. This was Catherine Fox reporting live at CNN studio's." _The woman said, stating the obvious, basically repeating Charlie's words. It was more than clear they had no information at all, no one had, exept us Cullens, and we couldn't tell anyone. We would have to fix this on our own, and fast!

"They really got on this story quickly, wonder why that is," Emmett mused, lost in thought. He was right, it was rather quickly for the story of a possible, missing girl to make it's way to the national news so fast. I was sure it would have been shown on the local news a few times before it hit the big leages.

"Charlie's influince as a police officer probably caused Bella's disappearance to become such a hot topic in the media; he would want his daughter to be found as fast as possible and would definitely use all the recources to do so," Edward explained, his voice dripping with venom when he called Bella's kidnapping a 'hot topic'. It was the most he had said since he arrived here, he was coming back to his senses, intent on finding Bella as soon as possible, just as the rest of us were.

"We need to go pack to leave for the airport," Rosalie said, I would have been furious she could talk about clothing at a moment like this if I hadn't known how she truly felt about Bella now. And she was right, we needed to pack, we couldn't afford to loose time by having to look for new items to wear if we left everything behind.

Everyone spread out to their rooms; I was staying downstairs to talk to Edward first - Jasper didn't want to leave me, but I told him I'd be okay, I needed this alone time with Edward, though they would be able to hear everything anway - Jasper finally left and it was just me and my mind-reading brother left.

Mind-reading brother I repeated in my head, knowing the answer to keep this conversation from my family. At a normal time, I would've come up with this in a flash, but this wasn't a normal situation and my brain wasn't on it's normal drive either. But it did come to me; I was going to talk to Edward in my mind, the rest would only hear his answers.

_'Are you okay?' _I asked, mentally, immediately shaking my head at the stupidity of the question. Of course he wasn't okay, no one was, it wasn't even a question that needed to be asked; we all knew the answer. But he answered it anyway by shaking his head, telling me he wasn't.

_'I really am sorry I didn't see in time, you have to believe me,' _I pleaded with him, slightly afraid he would be angry at me, though I knew in my heart he would never blame me. He would never blame anyone besides himself, that's just who he was.

"You're right...," he whispered; I was lost, how was I right? What part of my plea was he answering? "The blame is all on me," he continued and then I understood; he misinterpreted my thoughts, thinking I thought the blame was on him and him alone.

_'No, that's not what I meant, I don't blame you, no one does. I just meant that I knew you would feel that way, though you shouldn't. We understand why you left her, why you thought it was the right thing to do and we all agreed to leave her alone. We could have stopped you or stay behind, but we didn't. We didn't know, we couldn't have know," _I replied, hoping to talk some sense into his thick head, slightly lying when I implied none of us were to blame. We were all to blame, especially me, Edward was the only one we couldn't possible blame. He did what he did to protect her, though it backfired. But he ignored his own feelings to keep the one he loved safe. How could anyone blame him for that?

"Still... my fault," Edward conceded, then walked upstairs with vampire speed to go pack the few things he would need when we returned to Forks. I sighed once again, I seemed to be doing a lot of that today, and went upstairs to help Jasper pack.

I saw nothing more, just the same stupid flashes that were glued behind my eyes, re-playing over and over again. When the time came to leave, we left without a word, knowing words couldn't help us now and would only bring more pain than necessary. Not speaking was all we could do to keep calm, the thoughts in our heads and the emotions in our hearts were bad enough.

**Bella POV**

_Life was perfect; everything was just the way it should be. Edward and I were together - Jacob and I were best friends for life - Alice continued to force me to go shopping with her - Charlie was enjoying life and having me with him - Emmett was teaching me to be as big a joker as him - Jasper was beginning to speak to me - Rosalie actually liked me, a little - Esme was like a second mother and Carlisle was like a second father and my personal doctor on call. _

_But then everything changed; my dream turned into a nightmare. Edward disappeared into thin air, crushing me in the process. All the Cullens vanished from my life; it was as if they had never existed, as if I had made them up._

_Jacob didn't exist, nor did the Quillette tribe; it was all make-belief. I never moved to Forks, I never got closer to Charlie, never fell in love. I was still in Phoenix, with Renée and Phill. It was as if I had lived the past year and a half living a lie - nothing I thought happened actually did happen. _

_Vampires did NOT exist! James didn't hunt me down and attempt to kill me! Victoria wasn't looking for revenge by destroying me! Jasper did NOT attack me on my 18th birthday! The Cullens didn't leave, because they didn't exist! They were just a figment of my imagination! And Laurent - Laurent did NOT kidnap me with the intent to torture, rape and kill me! None of this happened! Then what did happen?!?_

_I could picture it so clearly - my own perfect, picture of a god, a bronze haired angel with golden eyes and a beautiful soul, though he did not believe that to be true. The picture of this Adonis telling me he loved me over and over again kept going through my mind, only to be wrecked by the picture of him telling me I was no good for him; a fact I had known long before he did. _

_That was the dream part, then came the nightmare; a beautiful, pale skinned olive-toned creature with black, glossy hair and burgundy coloured eyes - so beautiful, yet so terrifying. The in-human creature stood before me, threatening me, mocking me and I was frozen in place, saying goodbye to my god-like love I called Edward. All a dream, a nightmare, NOT real!_

_But it was real, wasn't it? I wasn't dreaming then, I was dreaming now! The dream, the nightmare, it was more than that, it was reality! This was the nightmare - imagining none of it happened was the true nightmare. _

_Though I knew I was in hell in the real world - doomed to live the remained of my short life as a pet - this dreamworld seemed even more torturous, more discouriging. Because a world without my angel, my Edward, was a world not worth living in, even if it meant I would be safe then. I would take a world filled with torture, where my love lived, any day over a world without him. _

_Even this dream couldn't convince me he was not real, because I knew deep down in my heart that he was. He was real, I was real, Laurent was real, it was all real! Maybe not in this dream-state I was in, but in reality, it was real - in my waking state, it had all happened. The good and the bad!_

_During this weird, but meaningfull dream, I began feeling hot, very very hot! Kind of like I was burning - like something on me was burning. It was a distant feeling, not really tangible, but it was there. I heard a loud noise in the back of my mind, thought I didn't understand where it came from. It sounded like a scream - a bloodcurling, deafening, horrific scream._

_That's when I realized what it was - it was me!_

I screamed and screamed as I felt something incredibly HOT on my abdomen, burning the flesh that was there. I had hardly ever felt such searing pain ever in my life - the only time I could think of that was worse was when James had bit me and I was burning inside, compared to that, this should be a walk in the park, though it wasn't. It hurt so much it felt as if the devil himself were doing this to me.

My eyes popped wide open during my screams, but again I was met with another darkness; the blindfold from earlier. I really didn't understand why the devil felt the need to blindfold me when it was obvious I knew who he was and he wouldn't let me live under any circumstance - he would enjoy my death too much.

The hotness on my skin eventually stopped - something that was pressed against it was pulled off - but I could still feel the sharp stinging that was a result from whatever it was that had just happened.

I heard a low chuckle near me, felt a coldness surrounding me - Laurent did this! He was laughing at the pain he caused me. It was only then I noticed how my heartrate had skyrocketted - it was beating so hard I thought it would give up and stop. At least this pain was better than the pain I had felt when he was feeling me up and kissing me, something only one person on this earth was allowed to do.

"You are mine now, love, branded forever," Laurent said in a dark, happy tone of voice. I didn't exactly comprehend what he said as I was seething at the word he called me. My heartrate slowed as I suddenly became extremely calm and could feel the cold eminate, not from the devil's body, but from my own.

"Don't ever call me love." I objected to his choice of nickname for me - I knew he wouldn't listen to anything I said, but I needed to make it clear to him that I was NOT his love, I would NEVER be his love! I was Edward's love, even if he didn't love me anymore or maybe never had, I would forever remain his love, only his! The bastard could do whatever he pleased with me, but he could never make me his love! Laurent chuckled once more.

"Soon, love, soon...," he said and, though I did not hear him walk to the door and open and close it, I did hear the sound of the door clicking shut. How dare he call me love? Wasn't he taking enough from me already? My soul - my dignity - my purity - why did he need to take it all?!?

Suddenly, his words and the events that occured just minutes ago sunk in. He said I was _his_, he said I was _branded _forever. The burning sensation I had felt, the stinging I was still feeling, on my stomach - it was Laurent's way of branding me. Even if I did manage to get out of here alive, which I wasn't counting on, I would forever be viewed as his, reminded of him! Even if I ever saw my Edward one last time, he'd be repulsed, not only by what the monster would have done to me, but by the fact I was branded by him! I was _his _property now, no way of escape possible.

Now, I didn't even want to escape anymore, I would never want to be viewed by anyone as Laurent's property. This was even worse than if he had just raped me and taken away my soul, my heart - this was much, much worse; this was rape in it's own sick way. This was his form of raping me from any connections I had left in me - this was his way of making sure I wouldn't want to get out alive. This was his way of making sure I would never be wanted again, even if the impossible became possible and I was saved.

He knew me better than I could have imagined - he knew how this would make me feel, make me give up all hope, all desire to be saved. He knew, that by doing this, I was already dead in a way that was worse than actual death itself.

He knew that this was something I would never get passed - even if I would get past the fact that he was actually going to rape me sometime in the future, I would never be able to get past this.

He knew!!!

**_A/N: So, I hope you all liked it! Hmmm, I wonder what Laurent branded Bella with, you too? You'll find out next chapter! So, I am aiming for 90 reviews this time! So, that's 18 reviews, I know you can do it! You know the drill:_**

**_5 reviews : short chapter (or maybe no chapter 'cause I know y'all can do better. Nah, just kidding, I wouldn't do that to ya!)_**

**_10 reviews : normal chapter (which means NOT more words than this chapter, fewer words, actually)_**

**_18 reviews : long chapter (which means more words than this one, I know you can do it!)_**

**_Yeah, pathetic, begging for reviews, but I can't help myself, I'm addicted. _**

* * *

Oh, and I know I said I'd recommend a story by someone ELSE each time I posted a new chapter, but I'm gonna continue the pathetic route for now and recommend one of my new stories which I hope you'll give a shot and read:

The story is called **_Let The Games Begin _**

_Summary: __The Cullens and Hales decide to play a little game called truth or dare. How does the seemingly boring Isabella Swan get involved in this? Plenty of humor! Rated M for language and future chaps. _

_Preview: _

**We heard several things break and fall to the ground with a big bang; it was clear he was enjoying himself when we heard his booming laughter. Alice ran upstairs to check if he was doing a good job. Several minutes later, they came back down, both of them laughing their asses off. Alice was even shedding a few tears.**

**"They... are... going... to.. be... so... pissed...," Alice managed to choke out between her laughter while Emmett was on folding over with laughter, holding his sides. The laughter was so infectious the rest of us joined Alice and Emmett.**

So, do me a favor, check it out and tell me if you like it. That's all for now and I'll see you soon with another update! TTFN!


	7. Motherdaughter memories

**_A/N: Hey all, sorry it took me so long to update, this chapter was hard to write. I want to thank everyone for the reviews - 24, W.A.W!!! And as promised, this chapter is longer, the longest yet: 4.089 words. I added Renée's POV to this, none of you probably were expecting to see her POV, but I felt as if it needed to be in here. She is a bit more serious than in the books, but this is a serious story so I doubt she'd be her usual happy self. Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you like it. Enjoy!_**

**Chapter 7: Mother/daughter memories**

**Laurent POV**

I was staring at the beautiful, fragile, little human tied to my bed - mumbling in her sleep - thinking. I captured her about 24 hours ago, give or take an hour, and had been in amazing control of myself and my thirst. I never knew I was able to possess so much control, I was amazed by it.

"Vampire... not...real...dream...," my pet mumbled in her sleep, I chuckled. So she thought this was all just a dream? She was dreaming of a life without vampires? That was funny; I'd imagined she'd never want to live in a world where creatures such as myself did not exist. I guess I was wrong.

Oh, but soon her dream would become a nightmare when she would finally realize what I was planning on doing to her. Sure, I would have her in every sexual way possible - that, she knew. She, however, had no idea of the other things I planned on doing to her - much worse, much more painful than sex or rape, as she and any other person would call it.

Today would be the start of the worst she could possibly imagine - I had already done my work a few hours ago, it wasn't hard or time-consuming. I melted some steel, then ingraved it with my name, then let it cool down. It was almost completely ready for use - waiting in the fire, heating - which I had been waiting for.

I would brand her, forever make her mine, violate her in a way no one would ever think off because hardly anyone had such a sadistic mind as mine. I had a sick mind, even for a vampire, and I knew it and liked it. Everyone feared me as they should - even James and Victoria knew to fear me on some level, thought they hardly ever showed it. I was always very careful not to show my true nature or even think of it, no, I let others believe I thought they were the sadistic ones. What a joke!

But I would do more than rape and brand her, much much more. I had a few ideas already - one being to cut off all ties to her precious Edward, which would be helped along a great deal when I would brand her. She seemed to be the self-loathing, self-sacrificing type - even if she ever thought she could make it out alive, which she couldn't, she would never return to her vampire, she wouldn't want to hurt him by showing she had been completely mine in every way and would always be so. I had hardly ever encountered such a selfless human, it was interesting to observe her.

I had one experiment I was thrilled to do, soon, and it wasn't the sex part. I had encountered many drug addicts in my time - even some vampires who were so addicted to the taste of blood they killed almost every hour or more so - and was curious to find out how long it would take for a human to grow dependant on any sort of drug. Now, since I had a human within my reach, I would test it out on her. I would feel her one of the most addicting drugs I could find and see how many times I would have to shoot her up before she began begging for it herself. It would be a very funny thing to watch, I imagined.

"No... nightmare...real..." Isabella mumbled in her sleep and I chuckled once more. So now she was having a nightmare, one that was real? I looked over to her face and the corners of her mouth were turned down, she was shaking her head as if trying to shake away the dream and yanking at her ropes, to no avail. Now would be the ideal moment to brand her.

I grabbed the hot handle of the iron made with my name on it, lifted her shirt and pushed it down firmly on her stomach. Nothing happened at first, she was still asleep, but suddenly the entire room was filled with her lovely screams which, had I been human, would have raised all the hairs on my skin. Still, she seemed to be asleep, not awake yet. I pressed down harder - I wanted her to be awake for this.

The moment she awoke, I immediately knew - her heart rate seemed to go off the charts; it was beating so fast I thought she was going into cardic arrest or something like that. Her breath hitched for a moment as she awoke, but only half a second or less passed before she was screaming once more. Tears were running down her cheeks, I found real pleasure in the fact I was able to make her cry.

I held the steel to her for several short minutes - though I imagined it would seem like a lifetime to her - before pulling it away and laying it in a corner of the room. Her screams stopped but she continued to whimper because of the pain she felt - I chuckled, making my presence known, though I was sure she could already feel the coldness exuding from me.

I decided to speak up, "You are mine now, love, branded forever." I said, making sure she understood exactly what it was I had done to her. She stopped her whimpering, her breath hitched for a second, then her heartbeat slowed down to almost nothing - she had heard, I was wondering what she was thinking now.

I didn't have to wonder for long, since she spoke up with a very detached, cold, yet calm tone of voice, "Don't ever call me love." To a human, she would have probably sounded scary, but to me it was amusing. She wanted to make it clear that she was not my love - which she wasn't, she was just a pet in my eyes - that she was her vampire's love, still, in her mind. Didn't she understand that he just used her, as I was doing, that she was nothing more than a sick joke to him? He threw her away the first chance he got tired of her, yet, still, she loved him. How odd.

"Soon, love, soon...," I said with a smug smile on my face - which she couldn't see - intend on using this nickname for her every time I spoke to her now. It hurt her, she had made it clear when she told me not to call her that, and I would use it do hurt her even more. Sometimes, going for the mental pain worked better than going for the physical pain, I had learned over the years. And I was sure that was just the exact case with this girl.

I would leave her alone now, hunt, then come back and take it to the next level - the physical level which I hoped wouldn't be the death of her. I had planned on waiting longer, but I couldn't, I wouldn't. I wanted to feel her under me, I wanted her to look at me with those big, brown, chocolate eyes of her as I did so. I wanted her to be fully aware of everything when I did so, without the drugs I was planning on giving her clouding her mind. I wanted her to feel both the physical and mental pain of it, as I was sure this girl was still a virgin, it would pleasure me a great deal. I left the room imagining all the things I would do to her, almost getting arroused by the thought of it alone.

It would be a very dark experience for her, and an enlightening one for me, as I had no idea of what to expect. She will have never experienced such darkness, such poison, in her entire life. No human will have ever gone through what she will go through - even the cruelest of humans weren't capable of such torture. Dark times lay ahead for her, and she was fully aware of it, which only made me want to torture her more. I could hardly wait.

**Renée POV**

I was sitting at the airport in Jacksonville, waiting for my plane to Phoenix to arrive, all my thought centered around my beatiful, sweet Bella. My perfect daughter, so mature in more ways than one, missing. How could I have let this happen? As a mother I was supposed to protect her, but instead I dumped her in Forks so I could be with Phill all the time and left her to get hurt. It had been the middle of the night when Charlie had called with the news - he sounded so broken, unlike any other time I'd ever spoken to him.

_The phone ran, waking me from my peaceful slumber - I had been dreaming about a world in where I was a supermodel, so lovely - and I got up, walked downstairs still half asleep and answered it, confused and slightly annoyed as to who would be calling me at such an hour - I glanced at my watch, it was only 2 am._

_"Hello?" I said, sounding tired - feeling tired._

_"R-Renée? It's C-Charlie," Charlie spoke in his gruff tone, but the sadness and panic in it made me wide awake. Something had happened, I heard it in his voice, but what?_

_"What's wrong?" I asked, cutting to the chase, Charlie was known for beating around the bush for too long. _

_"It's Bella," I sighed, still beating around the bush, but more allert and slightly frightened for my daughter. What had happened this time? _

_The last two times weren't the most pleasant I had with her seeing as one time she was admitted to the hospital, half-dead, and another she was in a cattatonic sort of state. She had been very depressed these last months, ever since Edward - who I thought loved her more than life itself, at least, it appeared that way when I met him in Phoenix - left her without as much as a single word or warning. Lately, she had snapped out of it a little thanks to her newly best friend Jacob Black, who's father was best friends with Charlie. But she wasn't okay by a long shot, I knew that from the times I talked to Charlie. Would she have done something to herself? Did my forever responsible - more responsible than me, since I almost always behaved like a teenager - harm herself, physically, on purpose? Would she do that?_

_"Just tell me, Charlie," I said in the most serious tone of voice I could muster - a tone I almost never used, since I was anything but a serious, responsible, mature, person. He sighed into the phone - even his sigh sounded tiresome and broken._

_"She's missing. We're searching, no one can find her," He said, now using his police-voice, but with a panic-filled edge to it. _

_I gasped, my Bella was missing? Where was she? I knew I should've taken her back home with me after the Cullen boy left, but she was so resolute on staying in Forks - wanting to be close to her former love, I guessed - that I couldn't bare hurting her by making her leave. Now I wish I had been firm - had been a mother for once in my life - and made her come with me, where she would be safe._

_But who would have ever thought she wouldn't be safe in Forks? Not me. I thought Forks was a dreary, little town where nothing exiting ever happened. Obviously, I was wrong, because, since Bella moved there, she had been in more dangerous situations than in her entire life. First she almost got squashed by a car, then she ran away and ended up fighting for her life in the hospital, then apparantly she fell in love and fell apart when he lived. It was clear Forks wasn't a good place for her. I should have never let her go there in the first place. _

_I was supposed to be her mother - she was supposed to be my daughter - but it seemed that the roles had gotten completely reversed, as she was more a mother to me than I to her. She was so much older than me in so many ways, not counting age, and I let her take care of me instead of the other way around. I was supposed to be her protecter, instead she was the one who protected me of all the stupid things I always wanted to try. I was a horrible mother, I now realized, and I was hugely to blame for this._

_"I'm taking the first plane to Phoenix," I said, then hung up, not wanting to hear another word Charlie had to say. I was not mad at him, I just couldn't stand more right now. I went upstairs to wake Phill and told him to book us a flight - I was on autopilot, I didn't even cry, I just did what I had to, sort of numb. It was weird, not like me at all. _

"I'm going to get some coffee, 'you want some?" Phill asked me, shaking me from my reverie. I nodded, but said nothing - I hadn't said a word since we arrived here and I knew Phill was concerned for me; I was acting so unlike my normal self, it was a little freakish.

Phill left then and I returned my thoughts to my Bella. I knew it was unhealthy, the way I was acting right now didn't help me or anyone else, but I couldn't help myself. I guess that was the one thing that hadn't changed about me during these last couple of hours, I still couldn't help myself from doing whatever it was I was doing this time - which was getting lost in memories of my sweet daughter.

There was this one time when Bella was 14, I could clearly remember, where I had wanted to do one of my kitchen experiments again and almost set it on fire - thank god Bella had been there to save the day.

_I was standing over the stove, humming a tuneless song as I watched the vegeatables stew in the pan - there were carottes, tomatoes, peas, and several other variaties of vegeatables in the pan, none of which fitted together, though I hardly cared about that fact. _

_I threw in some pepper's, added some spices and then threw in the pieces of chicken I had bought at the store. As soon as the chicken fell into the pan, a flame of fire errupted from it. I let out a shrill shriek._

_"Mom? Mom, what happened?" Bella came rushing in the kitchen at the sound of my distress. I didn't have to answer, she could see the raising flames for herself and my frantic expression as I tried to extinguish it. She ran outside and came back only seconds later with a bucket of dirt in her hands. What was she doing with that?_

_"Move aside," She commanded, I did as she told and she took my place infront of the stove - I feared for her safety, scared she might get burned, but she was completely safe as she threw the dirt over the fire, extinguishing it almost immediately. When did my daughter become such a genius? _

_She turned around with a goofy grin on her face, trying to hold back her giggles as she looked from me to the stove, rolling her eyes in the process._

_"Well, I hope you like your dinner burned and spiced with dirt," I said, trying to act casual and forget I almost burned the house down. That sentence did it, though, it send Bella over the edge as she errupted and filled the house with loud guffaws._

_"You - are - such - an - idiot!" She exclaimed between laughs, I scowled. Sure, this was a little stupid, but did she have to call me an idiot? She saw my scowl and laughed even harder - she hardly ever laughed this much, it was intoxicating._

_"What?! It's true! Y-you would h-have burned the k-kitchen down if I h-hadn't been h-here," She chocked on her words as the laughter became to much. I couldn't help myself any longer, I dubbled over with laughter while Bella was holding on to the counter with one hand and holding the other to her side, the laughter probably hurt in her stomach, I knew that feeling. _

_After what seemed like hours, our laughter finally died down and we dried the last tears that had escaped from our eyes, looking at each other with big smiles - we could act so crazy sometimes, well, that was usually my job._

_We were sitting on the floor against the counter, next to each other. "What would I do without you, Belly Bells?" I mused, using my favorite nickname for her._

_"Wither and die?" She countered, I rolled my eyes, she could be so silly sometimes. Everytime I said this, she would answer the same. Good old Bella, you could always count on her._

_"No, seriously. You're such a lifesaver. I swear, you're middle-aged instead of a kid," I said, and it was true, she was like no-one her age I had ever encountered. She was more mature than most adults even, she had such an old soul and mostly I liked that about her, but sometimes I worried it would hinder with her life. I worried she wouldn't easily fit in because she was so different, and I didn't want that._

_"Ah, someone has to be the adult here, or we'd long be homeless," She replied, I rolled my eyes, always the jokester, well, it seemed she was only one to make a lot of jokes when in my presence, but never in someone else's. I wondered why that was._

_"I love you, baby, you know that, right?" I said, as I had said the same many times before. Bella wasn't one for showing her emotions - she was so Charlie in that department - but she gave me a hug, as she always did when I said I loved her, and she told me she loved me too and she loved taking care of me. She said it was like having her own child, but better because the child was grown up and not at all baby-ish. I stiffled a laugh at that._

_"We're quite the pair, aren't we?" I added, we had such a beautiful mother/daughter relationship, though it was odd, since she was more the mother and I the daughter, but it worked for us._

_"That we are," she agreed and smiled, I returned the smile with one of my own._

"You look happy. What 'r you smiling about?" Phill asked, pulling me out of my memorie - he stood before me with two cups of coffee in his hands and I remembered why we were here and my smile faded. He handed me the cup and I accepted it.

"Bella," I sighed, answering his question. He nodded, he understood. I missed my baby girl more than I would admit to anyone, but this was worse, because before I knew I could visit her whenever I wanted, now, I wasn't even sure if I'd ever see her again.

"We'll find her, I have faith in that," Phill tried to console me, seeing my anxious, pained expression. I wanted to believe him, but it was hard because I had little faith in me now. Not that I had so much faith before this - Phill was somewhat religious; he believed in God. But I wasn't really a believer - the only times I ever attended church was when I wanted to try something new, and it never lasted longer than a few weeks, before I moved on to something else.

I often wondered how people could believe and have faith in a God that seemed to be responsible for so many horrible things. How could people trust in something with all their heart, when it seemed that it didn't exist. How could God exist when such horrible things occured in this world? No, God didn't exist, not in my eyes, he couldn't. If he did exist, he wouldn't have let anything happen to such a sweet, innocent girl as my Bella. No one in their right mind would ever want to hurt Bella - she was one of the purest people that existed.

"What are you thinking about?" Phill questioned again, trying to figure out my intense expression as I was so deep in thought and that rarely happene. I sighed, he wouldn't like what I had to say. Yes, he knew I wasn't really a religious person, but I had never bashed his god as I was about to do now.

"God doesn't exist, not in my if he does exist, he's the most faul creature to ever to walk this earth or heaven or wherever he is. Because, if he were good, my Bella would be safe in my arms now, not missing," I explained, Phill frowned. I was right, he didn't like what I had to say, but he understood, he didn't get angry at me for it.

"I can understand why you feel that way. I know you've never believed in God, but at least believe that everything, good or bad, happens for a reason." My eyes widened, what reason would there be for my daughter to be missing and possibly in pain or even d- no, I couldn't think that word.

He said nothing else, nor did I. He just grabbed my hand, brought it to his lips and soflty planted a kiss on it before holding it to his cheek. My husband was more attentive than I gave him credit for. I realized I was not only a bad mom, but a bad wife too. I never took responsibility for anything and always let others take care of me - never once in my life did I return the favor and took care of the ones I loved. I was rather pathetic, when you thought about it.

I only now remembered the cup of coffee I held in my hand and took a sip of it - though it would make me even more aggitated, I needed it - it had cooled down a lot, but it tasted good enough for me. As good as coffee could taste, that is.

I leaned my body against Phill and closed my eyes, thinking about my Bella - I couldn't forget a single memory I had of her, not as long as she was missing. I needed something to hold on to.

I remembered her different smiles - her over-the-top happy smile - her forever-the-shy-one smile - her mom-did-it-again smile - her sad smile; that one always made me a little sad and angry at myself for not taking better care of herself.

I remember how selfless she is; she would do anything for another but nothing for herself. She truly was an amazing person, though little people acknowledged that fact. The fact that she loved to read and she never got tired of reading her favorite books over and over again, especially her old, battered copy of Wuthering Heights. She inherited the passion for books from me; I loved to read as well, though I was more of a mystery novel type myself where as Bella was more the classic, old romantic novel type.

We were so different, yet so alike on more levels than one. We were best friends before she moved to Forks - we connected in ways we didn't connect with anyone else. We complimented each other; Bella with her responsible urges and I with my crazy, child-like nature.

I really hoped we would find Bella soon - I couldn't stand a life where she was not in it. I wished I'd spend more time with her this past year and a half and felt guilty for not doing so. I would have my daughter back, even if I had to search every single corner of the world, I would get her back! That's a promise I made to myself I would definitely honor!

**_A/N: So, I hope you liked it and review; I am aiming for 110 reviews, not so hard, only 13 little reviews to tell me what you thought. You know the drill:_**

**_5 review: short chapter_**

**_10 reviews: normal chapter_**

**_15 reviews: long chapter (longer than this)_**

**_Jeez, I really am getting pathetic with this begging for reviews routine. Ha well. _**

***

Oh, right, story recommendation time, here it is:

_**Title: **Tainted Innocence_

_**Summary:** was raped by her stepfather and sent off to live in is emotionally scarred, what happens when she meets a family of Vampires in Forks? Can Edward bring her out of her shell?_

_**Author: **Padme-And-Anakin-4-Ever_

_**My thoughts: **I like it, it's a bit dark, but well written and keeps you reading. I def. recommend it._

_**Link:** fanfiction[dot]net/s/5136022/1/Tainted_Innocence_


	8. My family, my responsibility

**_A/N: First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for the reviews and apologize for not updating for so long. I had some computer and internet problems, then I went to a four day trip to Engeland and now my hand is in a cast because I badly sprained it so it's really annoying to type. But I really am sorry, I hope you'll forgive me for making you wait for so long. And I hope you enjoy this chapter._**

**Chapter 8: My family, my responsibility**

**Jacob POV**

I was pissed off - no, beyond that - I was seething with hatred. Hatred toward the leech that took my Bella from me. I wanted nothing more than to find him, torture him, kill him and save Bella. What I wouldn't give to feel her in my arms just one last time. I always knew she'd never feel more than friendship for me, but that was all I needed right now; her friendship. She was my world.

But now, instead of avenging Bella's death, I was at the police precinct, aiding Charlie in his search for his daughter - his daughter he would never see again. Sam ordered me to act as the best friend - a best friend would help search for Bella - while he and the rest of the pack searched for the killer.

It was beyond painful, searching for Bella, while I knew she was no more. I just wanted to scream at everyone that they were wasting their time in the search of a corpse and should be out looking for the fucking leech that took her away from us, but I couldn't. I had to keep up appearances, I knew that, didn't mean it didn't hurt all the same.

How much I wished I never had to get involved in this complete and utter mess. How I wished I'd never learned about vampires or became a werewolves. But the one wish - which I hated myself for - was the most horible. I wished I'd never met Bella. Wished I'd never fallen for her. Then this would not concern me at all. I would not be hurting, I wouldn't feel a thing by her disappearance. Of course, as soon as I thought it, I hated myself for it. I wouldn't want to take back the time I spend with her, good and bad. I'd rather take those few moments and treasure them, then no moments at all.

Suddenly, a faul, fierce scent reached me, burning my naustrils - vampire! There was a vampire here; it wasn't the vampire from the meadow, the scent was different, but it was a familiar scent, I just couldn't place it. And it was not a single scent, it were several. There were at least 7 scents, from what I could smell.

I looked toward the entrence of the police station, and there, before my very eyes, stood the leeches I hated almost more than anything in the world - the one exception being the leech that drained the life out of Bella, I would never hate anyone more than him, or her. But the 7 leeches before me were pretty high up on my hate list.

Almost at the same time I turned to face them, they turned to face me - probably smelling me as I smelled them. Apparently, leeches thought us werewolves stank, when it was really they who smelled fauler than the faulest scent on this earth.

I locked eyes with Edward, who did the same with me - he looked like a crazy man, burning on the inside, showing on the out. He left her, why did he come back now? Was it to revel in the enjoyment that his pet was gone now - he snarled for some reason when I thought that, wonder why that was. It wasn't like he knew what I was thinking.

Still, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sorrow for the bloodsucker before me - he looked deader than the dead man he was. He seemed to look guilty, enraged, scared, sad, crazy, lonely, all at the same time. Did he actually care for Bella? If he did, then why did he leave? Not that I cared that he left, his leaving was a good thing - vampires and humans shouldn't co-exist - but Bella cared. She loved him more than life itself, that much I was sure of. I hated that I felt sorrow for him, sorrow he didn't deserve one bit. Sorrow neither him nor me deserved - he left Bella broken, I left her unprotected.

"Outside, now," Edward - fucking leech - said, so low no human ear could possibly hear, but loud enough for me to hear. All eyes of his so-called 'family' turned toward him, pleading, scared, wary about what he was doing. He just shook his head and went outside - the big guy tried to follow him, but was stopped - so it would be just Edward and I, just what I wanted. All this took only seconds, none of the humans had even noticed the Cullens. I followed outside, careful not to get too close to the leeches, as my hands were already shaking and we did have a treaty with them not to kill them, though I could care less about that.

The vamp walked until he was in the forest, where no human eye would be able to spot him, I followed.

"Let's get this over with," I said, once I was standing only a few feet from him - my hands trembling, trying very hard not to shift into my wolf form, yet. It was hard though, being new at this, and standing just inches from a bloodsucking leech - one I really wanted to kill.

"So, the wolves are back," he replied, no emotion in his voice what-so-ever, he really was a burning man. And, wasn't it pretty obvious, by the way I smelled to him, that the wolves were back? I was sure he was one of the group who had met my grandfather 70 years, or so, ago.

"Kinda obvious, isn't it?! Now let's fight," I said, hatred dripping from my tone, preparing to make the change from man to wolf, but what he said next stunned me, froze me.

"Bella's alive," He said, and this time, his voice did hold emotion. Regret - why? Because Bella was alive? Shouldn't that be a good thing? Guilt - no idea on that one, maybe 'cause he left her? And anger - I wouldn't be angry if she was alive, I knew that.

Wait! If she was alive, then where was she? Was she okay? Was she hurt? Did this leech have something to do with it? Was it his fault?

"Yes, my fault," he said, making me want to pounce on him even more, but I couldn't, not yet, I needed to know more about Bella. And wait, did he just answer a question in my head? What? Did he read my mind or something? Those freaky legends about leeches having powers couldn't be true, could they?

"They are, and yes, I can read your mind," he said, emotionless again, while my eyes widened in shock and surprise. This was so not fair! Besides all their advantages, they had stupid extra powers too?! Fuck, I hated them with a vengeance!

"Not all of us, just some," he answered another thought of mine - okay, so that was going to get annoying pretty soon. Not that I wasn't used to having someone in my head, I just wasn't used to it in human form. Now, back to Bella.

"Where is she?" I asked. I wanted my voice to sound threatening, but it came out as more of a plea.

"She-" he took a deep breath before continueing, "-was... kidnapped... by a nomadic vampire named Laurent." I was baffled; why would a vampire want to kidnap Bella? Where was she? What was he doing to her? Would I ever see her again? I had to find her! And how did the leech know that? He could just be making it up, refusing to believe she was sucked dry by the vampire. Maybe that would have been a gentler fate for her.

"No, she's not dead. I won't allow it!" Edward said, sounding fierce and outraged now, though the crazy stuck through a little. Could vampires even go crazy?

"Perhaps, it feels like it," he answered my unspoken thought - annoying, like I said - if the situation hadn't been so dreary, I would've laughed at his reply. Maybe we were just all going crazy. It could be.

"How do you know about Bella?" I asked, that was something I needed to know - I needed to know for sure she was alive before I did anything.

"Alice, my sister, saw it," he said. Saw it? Saw it how? What did she see?

"Alice has visions, of the future. They're subjective, they change depending on a person's decisions," he spoke, again, emotionless.

"She had a vision of Bella being held captive," he said, though I could tell there was more to what the girl vamp saw, but I wouldn't press it for now. I didn't think he would answer anyway.

"You're right, I wouldn't. You know now, I need to get back to my family. We will find her," he said, desperate and fiercely. But, was I ready to let him go without a fight? He was to blame - so was I, we both were, but I couldn't go killing myself now, could I? Besides, I wasn't even sure if I could kill myself even if I wanted to. Also, I had to find Bella. She was a priority now.

No, I would not fight him, not now. He could come in handy, with his mind reading thingy and the female vampire's visions could be of use as well. I would leave him be, but if anything happened to Bella, then he'd die.

"If Bella dies, I want to die. I won't fight," He said before turning his back on me and walking back to the police station. He didn't want to live without her? I wasn't expecting that? Sure, you could see he loved her, but still, I didn't think it went that deep. Why did he ever let her go, if he loved her so?

"To protect her...," I heard, apparently he was still hearing and answering my thoughts, he hadn't gone in yet. So, he left to protect her, great idea that was! "A mistake...," he added, then I heard no more.

I didn't go back inside, I had to change and let Sam know the leeches were back and Bella wasn't dead, which I still found hard to believe. The change was quick, easier than other times since I was already having the urge to change because of all the vamps back in town.

Immediately, I heard the thoughts of my brothers as I joined them; they were all thinking of Bella and catching the leech that killed her - they still didn't know she wasn't dead. Well, until now, because Sam was tuned in to my thoughts and silenced the others to let me speak.

_"Jacob, what do you mean, Bella is not dead?"_ He asked, his authority ringing through as usual. I had the opportunity to be the leader of this pack since my grandfather was the last leader, but I didn't want the responsibility, so I refused and let Sam remain as the rightful leader.

_"The Cullens are back, and guess what, the legends about vampires having additional powers are true," _I replied, beating around the bush a little, still, giving him valuable information.

_"What are you talking about?" _Sam asked, I sighed, the others around us remained as silent as possible, trying to keep their minds quiet, not think about much of anything. It was possible for us not to think at all, but there were always thoughts that seeped through, thoughts I now ignored.

_"As far as I know, Edward Cullen is a mind reader and Alice Cullen can see the future. I don't know about the others," _I said, using the fucking bloodsucker's names, though I hated that, using their names made them seem a little human, which they weren't.

_"How do you know?" _Sam asked, I showed him - and the rest of the pack - the entire conversation I had with the leech, so they knew everything they had to know, including what the fucker told me about Bella.

_"So, Bella is alive. That changes everything. We need to set up a meeting with the vampires on neutral territory. We need to know what they know," _Sam concluded, then looked at me. He knew I knew the leeches, at least, I knew Edward from the times I'd seen him with Bella before I was changed. Plus, I'd already talked to him without attacking. I would talk to him again.

I nodded toward Sam and the others, then turned away and ran through the forest, back to the police station, at full speed. No one could out run me so far, I was fast. I didn't look forward to talking to the leech again, but I had no choice, it had to be done. So, I would do it and remain as calm as possible and hope not to attack any of them, I knew Sam wouldn't like me for it. Also, we needed them to find Bella and dead they were of no use to us.

**Carlisle POV**

I listened intently to Edward's conversation with the boy with the weird smell, which I had instantly recognized as the scent of that of a wolf, a Quiellete wolf nonetheless. If the others hadn't figured it out yet, they had as soon as Edward confirmed it with the boy.

Edward, my first son, my first companion, how I feared for his life and sanity. I knew we had to find Bella, or he would surely die or get himself killed, I knew him well enough.

When he decided to leave Bella, I disagreed with his decision, but didn't go against it. It was his choice to make, and he had chosen to leave Bella behind because he thought she would live a better life without him. I knew, from Alice, that she hadn't been coping well with our departure. Apparently, she had been lifeless, up until a few months ago. If Edward had know this, maybe he would have gone back.

But, who was I kidding, I knew, Alice knew, and neither of us went back. We could have gone back to save her, from herself, and Laurent. We chose not to.

When I found out about Bella being kidnapped, I was outraged, and usually I was such a calm, level headed, person. But now, I wanted nothing more than to kill the creature hurting my daughter. Because Bella was my daughter, in every sense of the way. She was as much a part of this family as the rest of us.

Edward came back, no emotion showing on his expression. It worried me, seeing him so empty, so hollow. It was even worse than when he had just left Bella and was still with us. Then, when he knew Bella was safe and sound, he wasn't so empty as he was now. He had waited so long to find his mate, his love, his reason for existing, and now, he wasn't even sure if he would ever see her again. I couldn't imagine the pain he had to be going through.

He looked up at me, probably in response to my thoughts, and sighed. Still, emotionless. A shell of the man he once used to be. If we didn't find Bella, we would loose him; something, I wasn't prepared to deal with yet. We would find Bella, at any cost.

"What the HELL?!" An angrily sounding voice suddenly brought me out of my reverie. I looked to the front of the police room and saw Charlie staring directly at Edward, his face turning different shades of red, green and purple, until it finally settled on red. It was obvious he was furious, and it wasn't hard to guess why. He was angry with us for leaving Bella, as he had every right to be.

He walked up to us - well, to Edward, he ignored the rest of us - and only stopped when he was just inches away from Edward's face. My son's face turned grim, pained. It was clear he was listening to Charlie's clouded thoughts. He couldn't exactly read his thoughts, but he could get the meaning of them. They weren't entirely blocked from him like Bella's were.

"I'll handle this, son," I said so low and fast, no human could have possibly heard. As Charlie began shouting, I moved to stand between him and Edward.

"How dare you come back here after what you put my daughter through! You broke her! Now she's missing and it's all your fault!" Charlie roared. If vampires would be able to cry, I was sure Edward would be crying by now.

Before I could even speak, Edward beat me to it. "I know... my fault," he said, then fell to his knees, his head in his hands, defeated. It broke me to see my son in so much pain. I wished I could help, but there was nothing I could do.

"Charlie, please," I pleaded with him to stop yelling at my son - none of this was helping matters any. His face had turned white as snow, almost as pale as that of a vampire, as he looked from me, to Edward. He clearly hadn't expected such a reaction from Edward.

"Why are you back?" Charlie asked, I sighed, I knew this would come, I just wished it hadn't come so soon. I couldn't tell Charlie the truth, obviously, nor could I tell him it was Edward's decision to leave. I would take all the blame on me.

"We were planning our return for a while now. Edward was... unhappy, without Bella. When we saw what happened to Bella on the news, we returned immediately. We would have been back within the month anyway," I said, Charlie kept sneaking glances at Edward as I spoke, trying to access the situation, I guessed.

As quickly as his anger had flared up, it disapated, turning into devestation. "She's gone," he murmered, so low I even had to listen very carefully. I placed my hand on his shoulder, a sign of comfort.

"We'll find her, we're here to help. We know the woods very well here," I said, giving the impression I also thought she was somewhere in the woods, though I knew she wasn't. He nodded, then seemed to take in someone else's appearance. A small, sad smile spread across his face. It was painful to look at.

"Alice?" He asked, a little breathless. He was probably so flabergasted by the sudden appearance of Edward, he hadn't even noticed the rest of the family.

Alice stepped forward, enveloped Charlie in a hug and whispered soothing words in his ears. We could all hear what she was saying, of course.

"I'm so sorry, Charlie. We will find her, I promise you, we will," Alice said in a sad tone of voice. It didn't sound through, but I could tell she was making a promise she wasn't even sure she would be able to fulfill. As sad as it may be, we weren't sure if we would ever find Bella again. We had hope, yes. We had knowledge she was still alive. The one thing we didn't have, was the certainty that we would find her. That, we didn't know. Not yet, anyway.

Charlie let go of Alice, grumbled something incoherent, glared at Edward once more, then went back to help in the search for someone he could not find without our help - supernatural help.

Edward stood up, clearly annoyed with himself for being so fragile in his mental state right about now - a low growl left his chest at my thoughts, I smiled apologetically - and walked away from the police station.

"Edward, where are you going?" Esme asked, who left her place besides Emmett and Rosalie to come stand beside me.

"Going to find the dog. I need to know what his pack knows, everything his pack knows. I will find Bella. Besides, I think I'm overwhelming Jasper somewhat," he added, I glanced at Jasper who had a pained expression across his face.

_'Be careful, son,' _I thought to Edward, he simply nodded as he past me on his way out the doors.

"Poor boy. I hate to see him like this," Esme said as she held me to her, tightly. I nuzled my face in her hair, inhaling her sweet sent, kissing the top of her head in agreement. I was the head of this family, still, I had no idea how I would make this better. But I would, somehow, I would.

**_A/N: I hope you enjoyed this and please do review and let me know what you think, thanks._**


	9. Author's Note

_**Author's Note:**_

_Hi, everyone. First of all, I want to apologize for the slow updates. I realize that you are waiting for new chapters and I am dissapointing you all. I just want to assure everyone that none of my stories are on hiatus (especially my beloved Twilight stories, but also the OTH ones and the Charmed one), I just have trouble writing for some. I also want to explain why I haven't been writing much lately._

_I just want to say that I love to write; it's my number one passsion, has been since I was a child. And lately I had been wondering; why? Why do I even write? Why do I do something that's not worth anything to anyone? But I realized I was acting stupid (which is nothing out of the ordinary for me) since it is worth something to someone; it's worth something to the people who follow and read every chapter with dedication for the story I write, which is simply heartwarming. I love all my readers and without you, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere near this far with my writing. So, thank you. You'll never know how much all your support means to me._

_And I do it because I love it, it's as simple as that. I guess I had forgotten that somewhere along the way. I just needed a few reminders. I'll never stop writing and I will finish each story currently on my account._

_My main focus stories right now are:_

_Captivity  
__They'll Never Know  
__Concrete Angel_

_It's not because of the reviews they receive or something; it's just because I have them all worked out in my mind. So those will be updated the most, the rest will have slower updates but I will update them. I promise you. And I don't lie; if I make a promise, I stick to it. No matter how hard it may be sometimes._

_So, until I post again (which will be a story chapter). I hope you forgive me for my slow updates and I will work as hard as possible to update more from now on._


	10. Destroying The Soul

_A/N: Hi, I'm back. I'm very sorry for taking so long, but I had a lot to deal with that I had to deal with first. But that's all behind me now and I'm back (oh, and I finally have a job, yay!) And I hope you can all forgive me and understand that it was very hard for me to leave my writing behind me for so long. I love to write, I've come to realize that even more as I was unable to write these past months and I will never be gone for so long again. I love this, these stories, my readers, it's my life. So, I hope I haven't lost you._

_Oh, and this is the chapter I have been waiting to write, and dreading to write. It was a very difficult chapter to write and I can't exactly say enjoy, but I hope you like the chapter on its own. Thanks and see you soon._

**Chapter 9: Destroying The Soul**

**Bella POV**

_"I hate you, Bella. You betrayed me. You disgust me." With those words, Edward turned and ran, dissapearing right before me, leaving me sobbing on the grassy, wet, forrest dirt ground._

_I had confided in him, told him what happened, what Laurent did to me against my will and he hated me for letting it happen, just as I thought he would. He had every right to hate me, to be disgusted by me - I had betrayed him in the worst way ever. I let Laurent do that to me, I didn't fight, I didn't even try to stop it. I was a pathetic excuse for a human who deserved to die, I wanted to die._

_"Wake up, Isabella," A distant, cold voice spoke to me - Laurent. Had Edward told him where I was? How had he found me again? How I loathed that creature, despised him with every fiber in my being. If hating him was all I could do for Edward now, than I would hate Laurent with all my might. _

_I was cold, too cold. I knew I was dreaming, only in my dreams did I see Edward anymore, he didn't speak to me anymore when I was awake, repulsed by my betrayal. _

_"Wake up," I heard the voice I loathed so much speak to me once more, I couldn't block it out any longer, it was pulling me back - pulling me back into the hell I wanted so much to escape._

I opened my eyes slowly, suddenly shocked when I saw not blackness but light, actual light! Laurent had removed the blindfold - but why? I was shivering, shaking from the cold - why was I so cold?

I heard a dark chuckle and turned my head to the left and was met with the sight of Laurent for the first time since he kidnapped me. I glared at him, the meanest glare I had in me, though I imagined it would hardly scare anyone, let alone a murderous, evil, blood-sucking vampire. I also noticed where the cold was coming from; he had opened a window, letting all the cold outside air in. Did he want me to freeze to death?! Yeah, he probably did!

He saw me looking at the open window, smiled, then moved to close it. He turned back to me as he spoke - god, how I wished to never hear that voice again.

"You would not wake up, love, this was the only way to do so without risking your premature death," his eyes twinkled as he spoke of my impending doom, showing he could hardly wait to finish me off. I shivered and averted my gaze to the ceiling; I'd rather be blind than watch his face day after day until my death.

"I dearly hope you are strong enough for the next fase, I would hate for you to die so soon, my pet," he voiced and I could hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke; he wouldn't hate it if I died at all, he would only find it unfortunate that he wouldn't be able to fullfill his next steps. But what was it he was planning to do he feared would kill me already?

That's when it sunk it, the reason why he took me in the first place, the way he touched me that first time, the look of pure lust in his eyes, what I had known after he branded me as his. My heart sped up as realisation hit me; I couldn't do this, I wouldn't. I wouldn't survive this, physically I had a chance, mentally I did not. It would break the very little I still had left in me. This would ruin me, make me his physically now after he had already made me his mentally.

I wanted to cry, laugh, yell, scream, break things, hit people, crawl into a hole and die, anything but this. I knew this was coming, but I hadn't imagined it coming so soon, not while I was still somewhat strong and healthy; I'd thought he'd wait until I was very close to death before forcing himself upon me, breaking me in the process. He would crush me, rip the life out of me, I was sure. There was nothing I could do to stop it and no-one there to save me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stalk toward me - it was eerily quiet in the room - I shivered, involuntarily. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of showing my emotions. I tried to block myself and my feelings from him, tried to shut myself down, but it was hard, too hard. I couldn't do it and before I could try harder, his hands were all over me and I gasped.

"Please," I found myself begging for him to stop; I hated that I was begging, but I couldn't help myself. I needed to do something. The only response I heard from him was an evil snicker - it sickened me.

He didn't say anything as he ripped my pants off, followed by my shirt, leaving me shivering only in my underwear. My mind would not comprehend what was happening, would not understand. Was this really happening, all of this, or was it just a nightmare? I wished it were a nightmare, however, it wasn't - this was reality.

Laurent brought his face above mine, leaned down a little - carefull not to squash me - and whispered in my ear, "No wonder your vampire stayed for so long, you have an exquisite body." He licked my earlobe after he spoke, making me gag a little. This - his words, his touch, all of it - was so fucked up, so degrading.

My body was meant for Edward, not Laurent. Even if Edward didn't want me anymore, I was still his, or, I used to be. Now I was Laurent's pet, his pleasure slave. Laurent had transformed me into a gruesome, sordid, pathetic excuse for a human being. I was nothing but an object anymore.

I didn't want this, didn't ask for it, but I deserved it. I had failed in being good enough for Edward, something I already knew I would never be. I had failed in keeping him happy. I was a failure, I deserved this cruel fate.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks as Laurent forced his tongue in my mouth, bruising my lips even more than they already were, while I was forced to lay there, immobile and tied up. I wanted to do anything to prove I wouldn't let him do this to me without a fight, but Laurent had made sure that was an impossibility for me.

"Such a divine taste," He murmered as he pulled away, then licked his tongue along the lines of my collarbone, I was ready to throw up in my own mouth. His hands moved to my breasts, moving them over my bra, squeezing them, hard. I whimpered from the pain it caused me - I put all my effort in remaining silent, but I couldn't help it, it hurt so much. Not only physically, but emotionally as well.

He was dragging the main event out, playing with me, crushing what was left of my spirit before he would crush my body. Even though he was hovering over me, trying to save me from his weight, I felt as if I were suffocating, drowing in the pain.

He kissed me once more, roughly, before speaking, saying the words I knew were coming, but was hoping would be forgotten, "Let's proceed, shall we?" He smiled coyly, I shook my head 'no', it was all I could do in this situation. Of course, he gave me no attention as he proceeded as planned.

In one swift movement, he removed my last pieces of clothing, leaving me completely naked and exposed before this vile, loathesome, evil creature. He licked his tongue over my breasts, playing with my nipples which were hard from the cold, his touch did nothing but repulse me.

He proceeded in licking my entire body, which shook from my heavy breathing and sobbing, smirking at me the entire time. I prayed for forgiveness from Edward, from my mother and father, from Jacob, knowing I'd never be granted it, but I had to try.

I gasped in shock when he brought his tongue to my vagina, licking me. I screamed then, begging for him to stop, calling him whatever bad name I could think off, I screamed with all my might even though I knew it was useless. He laughed at my futile efforts to fight back, it only entertained him more. My screams died down as quickly as they came.

He didn't say another word as he continued his rapist actions. I yelped when he inserted a finger in me, followed shortly by two more. My vision was blury from my tears, I could hardly see, I could hardly hear or breathe, I was falling further and further into the black. It hurt, having part of him in me, even if it were only his fingers, for now. I hurt more physically than I could have imagined, emotionally, I hardly felt a thing, my mind was numb, shutting down.

After a while, he pulled his fingers out of my sore body. I never looked at him, but I could hear him lick them off and smacking his lips together as if he just ate a very tasty meal. I gave no reaction, I cut myself off.

"I really hope this will not end you, Isabella, as I have so much more in store for you," He grinned and from the corner of my eye, I saw his clothing fly to the ground. We were both naked now - time for the big finish. I braced myself for the pain to come, I knew it would hurt, more than it should since he was not human and I was, but I hoped my mind was numb enough not to register any of it. I thought my mind was, but doubted my body was.

I let out a short lived scream when he entered me; the pain was almost unbearable. I whimpered and cried as he thrusted in me, grunting as he enjoyed himself. I felt as though I were breaking into a million pieces from the inside out. My whole body was bruised, I was sure. This was a fate worse than death.

I smelled the rusty, copper scent of my blood before I felt it trickling down my legs. Laurent pulled out of me, finally, though it hardly mattered anymore, I didn't give a fuck anymore. Laurent chuckled, because I was bleeding of because he didn't kill me, I don't know. He didn't say anything as he licked the blood off of me, I was silently hoping he would loose control and suck me dry... he didn't.

His face hovered above mine again as he kissed me, I was only vaguely aware of his touch anymore, I was almost completely numb - I was, however, very aware of the smell and taste of my blood still lingering in his mouth.

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?" He whispered in my ear, chuckling.

The cold, which I knew came from Laurent, moved away from me. A door opened and shut again, so I knew he had left me alone for the moment. Alone, naked and exposed. I hoped I'd freeze to death.

I turned my head, closed my eyes and let the last tears fall, the last tears I'd ever cry. I wasn't here right now, I was somewhere else in my mind, where I was happy and not some broken, useless, vampire pet.

**Laurent POV**

After my hunt, I came back and watched as the human moaned in her sleep, whimpering incoherent words. I smiled and moved to her; I wanted her to be able to see me when I took her, so I removed her blindfold and tossed it to the ground.

"Wake up, Isabella," I spoke, wanting to proceed with the next step right this second. She frowned upon my words, yet she was not awake, I could hear that from her unchanged heartbeat. I sighed, humans could be so slow at times.

I moved to the window and opened it, letting in all the cold air, knowing it would wake her up sooner or later. Goosebumps began forming on her skin, allerting her to the cold. "Wake up," I tried once more, this time, with succes. Her heart beat wilder, her breath hitched and her eyelids fluttered.

I only had to wait for several more seconds for her to open her eyes. I saw the shock register in her eyes as she realized she was no longer blindfolded. I chuckled as I watched her confusion - she turned to look at me and gave me what I suppose she imagined to be her meanest looking glare, I found it very entertaining.

I followed her gaze to the open window and smiled as I remember how brilliant my plan to wake her up was. I closed the window; I couldn't let her freeze, now could I? I turned to her and spoke, "You would not wake up, love, this was the only way to do so without risking your premature death." There was a sparkle in my eyes as I spoke of her death, of when I would get to drain her completely - it would be a fantastic moment.

"I dearly hope you are strong enough for the next fase, I would hate for you to die so soon, my pet," I said, smirking - I did hope she would survive, but it would not break my dead heart if she did met an untimely fate.

I could hear by her wild heart beats that realization dawned on her as she now understood the full extenct to which I would go with her.

She shivered as I approached her, intent on scaring her as I did not make a sound. I crouched down slightly and as I put my hands on her frail body, she gasped. I delighted in the sound, I loved her responses to me.

I snickered as she tried to plead with me to stop - as if her pleas would do any good at all! I remained silent as I ripped her clothes off one by one, only leaving her underwear on for the time being. I looked her over and was arroused by the sight of her half naked body, such a pretty little human. A real treat.

I hovered over her, carefull not to kill her with my stone cold weight, brought my face to hers and whispered, "No wonder your vampire stayed for so long, you have an exquisite body." I finished my words of by licking her earlobe; she responded to it by gagging a little. So devine!

I had seen many beautiful bodies, vampire and human, but this one came straight from heaven. So ordinary, yet so special, such a different beauty than usuall. I was hard from the sight of her.

A flood of tears were already streaming down her face as I forced my tongue into her mouth, relishing in her sweet, sugary taste. "Such a divine taste," I told her so, licking my tongue allong the lines of her collarbone. I needed more of her, so I moved my hands to her breasts and played with them over her bra, hurting her a little in the process. She whimpered from the pain - I smiled, a little pain would not be the end of her.

I loved my little game, dragging this out as long as possible, hurting her, crushing her entire world with my small actions untill I would end her soul, for good. I kissed her, roughly, again, then smiled and spoke, "Let's proceed, shall we?" I could hardly wait to whitness the human's response to this. She shook her head, but I gave her no further response as I proceeded.

I removed her last pieces of clothing with vampire speed, too fast for her to register the movements untill I was done. She was such a picture; her breasts were small, as if they could easily fit in the palm of my hand, as if they were designed specifically for me. I licked my tongue over them, playing with her already hardened nipples - she had been ready for me all along.

Her body shook with silent cries and her heavy breath as I licked every inch of it, revelling in the sweet taste of her clammy skin. I made my way down her vagina and licked it. She gasped at first, then screamed at me to show her some mercy, to kill her, to stop, followed by a long stream of curse words directed at me. I laughed, she had a dirty little mouth, that vixen of mine! I was a little dissapointed when her screams died down, but didn't speak of it as I proceeded to enter one of my fingers in her - she shrieked. I inserted two more fingers, pumping them in her, moaning so silently she would never hear.

When I concluded she was ready, I removed my fingers from inside her and licked them off, tasting her wetness on them - delicious. I smacked my lips together, simply to make it clear to her what I had been doing, how I had tasted her like none other had ever tasted her.

"I really hope this will not end you, Isabella, as I have so much more in store for you," I grinned as I prepared myself for the final phase, removed myself from my clothing and tossed them to the ground.

I was not gentle as I entered her - her scream confirmed that - and as I thrusted myself in her harder and harder, though soft enough not to break her. She wailed and screamed throughout the whole period I was in her, as I grunted and moaned - loud enough for her to hear this time. I could already see the bruises forming on her entire body as I enjoyed myself, but it did not make a difference, she was still alive. I came inside her, but I think she never even noticed, it was like I was looking at a dead body, not a living pet.

I stopped and pulled out of her once I smelled the blood flowing down her legs. I briefly had to contain the monster inside me so I would not drain her right here and now. But once I was succesfull, I chuckled, this turned out even better than I could have imagined - I could taste her blood again without cutting her... perfect! I licked up all the blood, to the last drop, enjoying every second of it. The taste of it was the same as the first time, though still as unbelievably good as the first time. It was still one of the best flavours of blood I had ever had in my system.

I kissed her one last time and whispered, "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" Chuckling as I spoke. I moved away from her and put my clothes back on, leaving her naked, and left the room.

I came back several minutes later with the clothes I had stolen for her; a dirty, old, brown, ugly-looking shirt and some baggy sweat pants, also an ugly brown colour. She was mine now and she would dress as such. I dressed her as she seemed to be someplace else in her mind and wondered if the life would ever return to her eyes, or if she would stay like this forever. I would see and find out with my next step. Still smiling and delighted in my own evilness, I went out to hunt again.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	11. Not A Clue

**Chapter 10: Not A Clue**

**Jasper POV**

"It's been TWO fucking weeks, god damn it!" The mutt, Jacob Black, yelled at Edward, anger radiatting off him in big waves as he and his fellow pack of mutts stood before me and my family, arguing back and forth.

I was trying my best to send out calming waves, trying my best not to get angry myself; it was hard though, since almost everyone seemed angry. Even Carlisle and Esme, always the calm ones, were currently consumed by anger and had been ever since we found out about Bella. All the anger, hurt, pain, it was slowly getting to me, maybe even driving me insane - could a vampire grow insane? I didn't know, maybe. It was all giving me a headache, which I wasn't even sure I could have.

"At least we're trying to find her! What the hell are you dogs doing, exept being useless?!" Alice yelled back, speaking for Edward, who was hardly even there, visibly, though I felt every emotion that coursed through his veins; he felt like he was dying, understandably. If I ever lost Alice, I wouldn't know what to do or how to feel.

Edward growled, and his anger took the leading role over all his other feelings. "She's not dead." His voice was so cold, so distant, yet so angry and agonized, it stopped everyone in the clearing as they turned to look at him.

"Maybe she'd be better of dead," The girl dog, Leah - she and several more Quilletes joined the pack after our return; the pack had never been so large - said, aloud, taunting us, no doubt. She didn't seem to care for anyone or anything, all I ever got from her was anger and bitterness. She reminded me of Rosalie, only much, much worse.

Carlisle and Emmett grabbed Edward, who was now furious, as they tried to prevent him from lunging at the dog's throat. Meanwhile, Sam Uley, the pack leader, had ordered Jacob, who was radiating almost as much fury as Edward, to remain calm. My waves of calm seemed to have little to no effect now.

"You fiflthy mutt!" Rosalie roared; she had changed a lot in her attitude toward Bella these last weeks and would now do anything to have her back. She couldn't stand Leah, I sensed that a whole lot, but not as much as she couldn't stand to hear anyone talk about Bella is such a matter.

Leah laughed. "It's true! She was raped and god knows what else that leech has in store for her. We should all be praying he'll kill her soon, end her misery." That's when all hell broke loose.

Jacob transformed into his wolf form and attacked Leah, who in turn transformed into a wolf. Sam ordered the rest of his pack to go home and then he returned, the sense of leadership coming off him in huge waves as he tried to break up the fight between his two pack members.

All the while, Edward was fighting with Emmett, Carlisle and Rosalie to get to Leah. I could feel the hatred he felt toward her and the need to kill her. I couldn't stand all the emotions and collapsed to my knees, clutching my head in my hands, overcome by an overload of hatred, anger, pain, loss, fear, self-loathing - basically any emotion you could name that didn't involve happiness.

The fighting, yelling and roaring seemed to go on forever, and suddenly, everything was quiet. Cold. I looked up to see the three remaining wolves, Jacob, Leah and Sam back in human form and Emmett, Carlisle, Rosalie and Edward standing across them, utterly calm. What made them so calm, so sudden?

That's when I saw - my wife, my Alice, my entire reason for existing, was lying in Esme's lap, her mouth open as if she were screaming, but no sound coming out of it. I ran to her side in less than a millisecond before collapsing to the ground once more, caught in the whirlwind of Alice' emotions.

Pure horror. That's the only way I could describe it - pure horror - which I felt even more when it started to come off Edward; he too, sank to his knees, moaning. I'd never felt anything like this before. Not from all the people I killed, not from anything, not until now.

It was almost too much too take.

**Alice POV**

Everyone was fighting. The dogs, whom I could care less about and my family - my father, brothers and sister, fighting. I was going to intervene; this was not the time nor place, we needed to focus entirely on Bella, not on our own personal fueds, when it hit me.

A vision; though, I wasn't sure if I could call it that at first - at first, it was just a scream. A lifeless, awfull, blood curling, make you want to curl up in a hole and die, scream. I didn't need to see her, to know who it was - Bella, our Bella.

I lowered myself to the ground and curled up against Esme, as the horrified scream continued to haunt my blackened vision. It could have been minutes, hours or days, I'm not sure, but after what felt like eternity, I was a face to confirm what I already knew. Bella.

Her eyes were blazing, her face covered in blood, her mouth wide open, screaming. It seemed like she was screaming for something, though I couldn't make out any words, only the scream. It - she - went on and on, like a mad woman.

Eventually, the screams stopped, turning into laughter, into a new vision. Her face was still covered in blood, even more than before, indicating this was later in time, but her eyes were glassy, as though she weren't really there. The laughter wasn't nice at all, it was crazy and fake-like. It was as though she were a complete different person, laughing for some unknown reason, though it didn't seem like it really was her that was laughing. It was all too weird for me to understand.

The visions ended then, and I rose to my feet - Jasper was already by my side, concern the main feature on his face. "Alice, what happened? Are you okay? What did you see?" He asked, rushing the words - no human could have understood, though it was loud enough to hear.

"I. Don't. Know." I spoke each word slowly and seperately, answering all 3 of Jasper's questions. I truly had no idea what just happened, what I saw and what it meant or if I was okay. For once in my life, I was left without answer, only more questions to unanswered questions.

What the hell was going on?!


	12. Going Crazy and Growing Weaker

**Chapte****r 11: Going Crazy and Growing Weaker**

_**Two and a half months late**__**r**_

**Bella POV**

Where was I? Where did I go? I laughed inside my mind. Nowhere. I never went anywhere. No, no, no. I stayed still, slowly going crazy, I think. Or maybe it was the needle the Devil stuck in me that made my mind insane. I laughed again. No! That wasn't it. That was good, my lifeline. So, so good. No, it was just me, loosing my marbles.

I laughed again, maybe aloud this time, though I couldn't be sure. The Devil tortured me so much I wasn't even sure I still had the strength to make a sound. Could I even move? I laughed; of course I couldn't move. But I could fly! Yes, when he stuck the needle in me, I could fly. I could fly and sing and dance with my angel. Oh, I loved the needle. I longed for it.

Someone entered the room - who? Why, the Devil of course. It was always the Devil. I could feel the cold from his skin radiating off of him, toward me. A blanket of cold. Ah, how lovely!

The Devil said something, though I couldn't make out the words. I couldn't even remember his name. There was only one name I could remember; my Edward. What was my name? I snorted; I didn't remember my name, how funny!

I felt and heard something snap, then a scream - who was screaming? Was that me? I didn't know I could scream. Another snap, another scream and I opened my eyes, still screaming. The Devil stood there, smirking at me, holding a needle in his hand. I tried to reach out, but didn't have the strength to do so. No worries. I knew what he wanted in return.

He sat me up, unbuckled his pants and pulled out his big manly member. Manly member - how hilarious! I gathered all the strength I had left, brought my head to his member and began sucking him. In turn, he would give me the needle. Give a little, get a little, that's the way things worked in this world. I understood now. I didn't care. I just needed the needle, to stay sane, or insane, I wasn't really sure on which one it was.

Once I was done sucking him, he pushed me back down on the bed and stuck the needle in me - I hardly felt the sting, but I felt the effects. Minutes later - or was it hours? I wasn't sure on time here - I was flying. Flying to the meadow and there he was, my beautiful angel. His face was blurry, but his eyes and hair were perfectly clear to me. Edward, my sweet sweet angel. I floated next to him and we kissed and danced and made love; what was love? I remember the word, though forgot the meaning behind it. Was it sex? Pleasure? A favor for a favor? I couldn't remember.

I couldn't remember and something seemed to rip inside me as I began to cry, or maybe I was laughing? I didn't know. I was forgetting so many things, everything. Why? How? Where was I? How did I end up here? Where was here? Was it home? Was I home? Home in hell? Or home in heaven? Was this heaven or hell? How was I supposed to know? How did I know? Who was I? Where did I come from?

Hahaha!!! I was so silly! Thinking all these strange things. Of course I knew who I was. I was the Devil's pet. Animal or human, just a technicality, really. Hahaha!!! How funny!

**Laurent POV**

After having fed myself, I crossed the border of California as I came closer to my current residency and favorite play toy. These past months had been so interesting, so entertaining. I had no idea the effect the drug would have on the human girl would be so humerous.

I was right, when I imagined she would grow addicted soon. It took her less than a few weeks before she began to beg for it. The needle, she would call it. She would do anything for it. How amusing.

However, she was growing weaker and I was growing tired of her. Her body was very close to broken and her mind had gone a long time ago. She had only managed to stay alive so long because of a nasty habit of mine - I liked to use everything till the very end before I disposed myself of it. It wouldn't take very much longer now. Especially since I hadn't given her any food for the past two days. She would give out soon.

When I arrived at the cabin, I went straight to the human's room. She shivered when I entered, so I knew she was aware of my presence. I grinned and walked up to her.

"Time for a treatment, pet," I voiced, evil dripping from my tone. She gave me no reaction, and that aggrevated me somewhat. I grabbed her left wrist - the one I hadn't broken yet - pushed down hard on it and felt it snap. She screamed, but nothing else. I snapped one of her fingers, she screamed and finally opened her eyes.

She viewed the needle in my hand and attempted to reach out. I smirked at her attempt and sat her upright. I undid my pants and pulled out my member aching for release. She knew what she had to do if she wanted a fix, as the humans called it. She didn't even hesitate a second before taking me into her hot, delicious little mouth and sucking me with as much force as she had left, which was more than I'd expected.

I moaned and groaned as she sucked and sucked - this time, I pulled away before I came in her mouth, knowing she'd probably suffocate in her attempts to swallow it. And I didn't want her dead just yet. I would have one last round with her first. I gave her her fix and left as I heard her laughing to herself. Yes, the human was far gone. The body was all that remained.


	13. Finding her and toasting the SOB

**Chapte****r 12: Finding her and toasting the SOB**

**Alice POV**

Three months - that's the amount of time that had passed since Laurent captured Bella. Three horrible months filled with pain and horror. I had seen at least half what he had done to our Bella, how he slowly destroyed her step by step.

I saw him rape her, torture her, stick a needle in her and make her do things to pleasure him. And after a while, Bella seemed to gave in - it seemed as if she did it to get the drugs he gave her - and did things to him willingly. All those visions, all those images I could never forget for the rest of my immortal life.

With each vision I saw her retreat more and more into herself as she got weaker and weaker. All those visions I received, and not one of them could lead me to Bella's location. I hated myself for not being able to find her, for being so useless. What good was having a talent like mine if it wasn't of any use in a situation like this?! I honestly failed as if my visions had failed me and were now taunting me with horrible images because they wouldn't show anything helpfull.

These last three months have been awfull for everyone - vampire, human and wolf. Edward was slowly loosing his mind in his obsessed search for Bella, consumed by blame for leaving her and burdened with the possibility that he may never get her back. Jasper was also blaming himself, still, for what happened at the birthday party - he believed if he hadn't lost control that day, Bella wouldn't be in Laurent's hands right now. He hardly ever spoke to anyone anymore, even me, and when he did speak, it was only of Bella and leads of her possible whereabouts. Rosalie was more angry than ever, this whole situation bringing back many painful memories she had tried to surpress for decades. Emmett was torn between helping his wife get through her struggles and leaving on his own search for Bella, his little sister. He decided to stay; he didn't want to leave the family behind at such a difficult time. Esme cleaned a lot, much more than she used to, and didn't say much to anyone. I think it was her way of trying to deal with things. Carlise had tried to throw himself back into work, but found it more hard than ever, because every time he saw someone at the hospital who was beaten or worse, his thoughts would immediately shift to Bella. I had overheard him talk about this to Esme, he was considering quitting his doctor ways.

Then there was Charlie, who no one really knew how he was doing. After they stopped the search for Bella, about 4 weeks after her disappearence, he basicaly locked himself into his house. He quit his job and only ever came out to go to the store. He looked bad, from what I'd seen in my visions.

The Quillettes were still searching alongside us, but I could tell they didn't believe she was still alive, or thought she was better of dead. Only Jacob held on to his belief that they would find her alive. I got the impression that he was deeply inlove with her and would be devestated if we couldn't get to Bella in time. I didn't really care for him because of the whole wolf thing, but he showed he cared for Bella so that earned him a few points in my book.

Jasper came in the room, barely glanced at me and layed down on the bed. I sighed, I missed my husband terribly. I felt like I was all alone in this and it was hurting me.

"Jazz...," I started, but stopped when a vision hit me. A vision I had been waiting for for three months.

I saw Laurent. He was standing before a burning cabin, smirking, then he ran. As he ran, I saw him cross the border for California - that was all, but it was enough. I turned to Jazz, a smile on my face for the first time since this happened and he looked at me with concerned, questioning eyes.

"I know where she is," I said and I heard several gasps. One coming from beside me, Jasper, and the others coming from all my other family members in the house, and even some of the mutts who were there to discuss Bella.

Jazz and I rushed downstairs and met the others in the living room. The entire family was there, along with Seth, Sam and Jacob.

"Where?" Edward asked, his voice strained with grief and a small sparkle of hope.

"California, a cabin not far from the border. He's planning on destroying it, we need to move fast," I answered, everyone nodded.

"Anything else?" Sam, the pack wolf leader asked. I closed my eyes hoping I would get another vision. Edward was listening to my thoughts, I knew that. He gasped when I saw what I saw.

It was Bella, blowing out her last breath. Even if we did make it in time, which I had seen we would, we wouldn't be able to save Bella. If we didn't turn her, she was going to die.

"What did you see, Alice?" Carlisle asked, seeing my horrified expression.

"We can get there in time to stop Laurent from setting the cabin on fire, but not to save Bella. If we don't turn her when we find her, she'll die," I voiced and everyone had several different emotions running through them. Pain, sadness, anger, hate, despair... I don't think any of us knew exactly what to feel.

"No..., not like that. Not again," Rosalie whispered in agony. To her, this was very similair to how she was changed. Emmett enveloped her in a hug and whispered soothing words in her ear.

"Then we change her. If that's the only option, we do it," Edward voiced with a firm tone. If anything, I'd have thought he'd be the one to protest her change, as usual, but he didn't because he couldn't loose her. I would do the same if it were Jasper.

"The treaty states a war has to come if you bite a human," Sam, the pack leader said, though he seemed to say it with struggle, as if he didn't want to follow the treaty anymore.

"That doesn't have to happen, Sam. You can decide against a war. You can give them permission. We can't just let her die," Jacob, who was the second in command as I understood it, pleaded with his leader.

"He's right Sam." The younger and most likeable wolf, said. Sam thought for a few moments, then sighed.

"If we find her, I, as leader of the pack, give you the permission to change her. There will be no consequences. But we cannot be involved in this if that is the case." The entire family nodded and thanked him. We didn't need his help anyway. We were just grateful this wouldn't mean a war between us.

"Sam, I can't just walk away from this," Jacob said, his eyes pleading for his leader to understand. Sam nodded.

"I understand. You may stay if you wish, it's your free will and I won't take it from you. Just remember where your place is," Sam said and with that he led Seth out of the house and left Jacob with us. I was right, Jacob did love Bella.

"Let's go," Edward said and we all headed out to the cars. We were fast when we ran but we would get there sooner if we drove. Meanwhile, I kept going through the future seeing if anything could go wrong. So far, we were good.

**Edward POV**

I couldn't believe we were going to find her, my angel. Or that I was willing to condemn her to my eternal existance. But I couldn't just let her die, not after all this time. It was entirely my fault she was in the situation she was in and I owed it to her to save her from it. I owed it to her to be the one to change her.

"Carlisle," I said, he looked over at me and nodded for me to continue.

"When we get there, I'll be the one to change her. I desperately want to rip that bastard limb from limb, but if it comes to time, I'll choose Bella. She'd want it to be me, I know that," I told him, waiting for him to speak. I listened to his thoughts, but he was blocking me so I got nothing.

"If you think you can do it, of course I will let you be the one. I'll be there every step of the way,son," Carlisle assured me and I offered him my thanks.

Finally, after several hours of driving, we reached the California border and dumped the cars. Alice only knew the way she had seen Laurent take, through the forest, so we'd take that way as well. Jacob changed into his wolf form to keep up with us. We were about to head off when Alice stopped us.

"You all need to know that this isn't going to be pretty. What you'll see is sickening and there will be blood. If you can't handle it, you need to stay here. Guard the way incase Laurent gets passed us," She said, looking mostly at Jasper and Esme. Jasper, because of his troubles with the vegetarian diet. Esme, because we all knew she wouldn't want to see it.

"Jasper and I will stay here. Just bring her back to us," Esme whispered, pulling Jasper close to her. He was angry with himself for being to weak to help, but knew he had to stay behind for Bella's sake. I nodded at them and we all went off running.

While we were running, we were all thinking of how Laurent would be able to smell us once we got close, so we couldn't surprise him. At least, us vampires couldn't. We had one advantage that Laurent wouldn't expect - Jacob. If he went in first, he could fight Laurent of for at least a few seconds to give us the element of surprise.

I explained the plan to Jacob and everyone and they all agreed it was the best way. And as much as I wanted to be there for the kill, Carlisle and I had agreed to get to Bella as soon as we got in. She needed us more.

We were a couple of miles away from the house - far enough that Laurent couldn't smell us yet - and stopped running while Jacob went on. He'd be at the house withing ten seconds, we'd be there 5 seconds later. Hopefully Jacob will have restrained Laurent by that time, or at least have distracted him so he was away from my Bella.

The seconds passed, and before I realized it, we were running again and at the house in no time. I could smell my Bella, her blood, everywhere. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though, her blood smelled faul, wrong. It smelled of drugs of some sort. I snarled at the realization. Alice had told me, but I didn't know it would be this bad.

Jacob was struggling with Laurent, who seemed shocked, angry and scared as hell. _Good! _I thought. Emmett, Rose and Alice helped the mutt while Carlisle and I followed Bella's scent to a locked room. I could hear her heartbeat - it was very weak - she didn't have much time left. I kicked the door open and almost fell to my knees at the sight before me.

Yes, I had seen Alice' visions, but seeing Bella like this with my own two eyes was an entirely different experience. It was too horrible for words. My Bella, my angel, was lying on a dirty, blood stained bed, naked, covered in blood and bruises and shaking. I could see the name **Laurent **branded in her stomach and if I could have, I would have cried at the sight. She was cut everywhere, and it seemed that at least half of her bones were broken. Her right arm was covered with needle tracks, like you'd see on the arm of a junkie. Seeing her like this, I could hardly understand how she even survived the first week of this. My Bella was stronger than any of us could imagine.

"Edward," Carlisle called - he had gone to Bella and was now covering her up with his jacket.

"If you are going to do this, you need to do it now, or it'll be too late," He said and I immediately jumped to action. I bowed down next to my angel, muttered my pathetic apologies for what I was about to do and bit down on her arm, neck, chest, other arm, anywhere I could. It wasn't hard to stop this time, like it was at the ballet studio, because this time her blood hardly appealed to me because of the drugs in her system. When I could smell the venom in her body, working, I stopped and looked over at Carlisle.

"Will the drugs in her system affect her change?" I asked, needing to know. Carlisle sighed and shrugged.

"I don't know. There isn't any precedent for this," He explained, I nodded and listened to what was going on outside. I could already smell the fire, but I needed to know for sure.

_'He's toast bro,'_ Emmett thought over and over again.

_'Fucker can burn in hell now,' _Rosalie was thinking to herself.

_'Fucking leech,'_ Jacob cursed, thinking about how much he hated him.

Alice was looking into the future, but there was nothing definate yet. We just had to wait and see how things with Bella turned out.

"Edward," Carlisle said, motioning to Bella, who was moving her fingers. Then, I heard something that made me want to tear my heart out because I knew this was not normal. I heard laughter, soft laughter that would be too low for human ears to hear, but I heard it. And it was coming from my angel, from Bella. Everyone screams during this painful transformation, and she was laughing. This was not right.

Alice and the others came in looking at Bella with concern and confusion - they heard it too.

"We should take her home," Alice finally interrupted the minutelong silence. I nodded and picked Bella up - she felt so light and fragile in my arms, though I could feel the small vibrations in her chest caused by her laughter. I wasn't even thinking of how good it felt to have her with me again, I was only thinking of what was wrong with her and if we would ever be able to save her. To truly save her.

"Torch the place," I said to anyone who would listen and took of running towards Esme and Jasper, towards the cars. Bella continued to laugh her little, slightly crazy sounding laugh. And it was my fault, my doing. And I was determined to fix it, to fix her.


	14. Death and Birth of Bella

**Chapte****r 13: Death and Birth of Bella**

**Bella POV**

It came out of nowhere, the burning. Or was it tickling and I just couldn't recognize the feeling? Did it hurt? Yes, maybe, I don't know. I had to laugh at that; I couldn't even decide if something hurt or not. And I laughed and laughed, I couldn't seem to stop. This whole situation was just so comical. Maybe I was dying. That thought seemed to make me laugh harder. Maybe I even cried, I wasn't sure.

The tingling didn't go away and it seemed to move everywhere; I think it tickled me. Hahaha. Tickles - what are those? Buzzers going off in my body? Maybe the devil stuck one of those vibrating things in me again. The kind that made my body go ring ring ring.

It lasted for days or even years, I didn't know nor cared. It grew more and more, euh - what was the word? - faster? Harder? Something like that. I think it was trying to make me forget the angel's name. Edward. I chuckled at that, or didn't I? Nothing could make me forget that name, not even Mr. Devil hotpantsie. Hotpantsie, hahahahahaha!!!! I'm so funny!

I felt strange, like a fish on water land - oops - dry land, I think. No, water sounded better, dry sounded stupid. Was I stupid? Stupid because I didn't know what I was feeling? HaHa!!! Who cares!

The tickles were going away, I think, but I didn't want them to - they were funny! So funny, like that time the Devil made me all wet and red and sticky. Sticky, hihi, I want a dog called Sticky! Why did I want that? Hmmm, beats me.

Then, it was weird, because suddenly the tickles were too tickly - I didn't like too tickly. And I think I might have screamed, or maybe I imagined that, and then they were gone. All of them. All of the tickles had left me and I felt, strong I think the right word was. Though, what did strong mean?

I could hear things - though that wasn't a first for me - funny things. Chirpies, chirpas - OH - chirping. Birdies. And, and a beat - dundun dundun. And so many things, it was all noisy and loud. Torture? Nah, too weird. Or not. What did I know?

I think I opened my orbes then - what were they called? Those round things I used to see things with? Anyway, I think I opened them because instead of black I saw white and light. It felt like it was the first time I'd ever seen anything in my entire life. Maybe it was. I was crazy, after all.

"Bella?" Someone said something - not the Devil, it was a new sound. What was a Bella? I wondered. I wanted to see who this new Devil was and tried to sit up, and I had no idea what I did or how, but suddenly I seemed to be standing on my feet. Before me, there stood 8 familiar faces. However, there was only one I could name.

Edward, my angel. He was the most beautiful of the 7 faces. So sweet, so delicious. And I could see him so much clearer than usual. Had the Devil given me something new? I didn't care, I just had to touch him before he went away again.

I ran toward him with such speed and strength that I knocked the both of us down. This had never happened to me before. The flying, yes, always. But never the knocking down of my angel. It was rather funny, I thought, so I started to laugh. And I laughed and laughed, but then I noticed my angel wasn't laughing. He wasn't even happy. And I didn't like that. I stopped laughing and got off of him.

He was looking at me in a certain way that made me feel, I don't know, something. I think I looked angry back at him, but I wasn't sure since I wasn't really sure what angry looked like.

"Bella?" My angel asked. I looked at him unknowing - why did they keep saying that word? What was a Bella?

"She's confused," A gentle, funny accenty voice, spoke softly. I glanced at him. Maybe he knew what a Bella was.

"What's a Bella?" I asked and my hand flew up to my speaking tools - lips, I think they were called. My sound was so magical, so tingly and enchanting. How did I get such a magical sound? I looked at everyone, and they just stared, my angel included. Again, I did NOT like this.

**Edward POV**

Almost three days of worry, of not knowing, of Bella's laughter. It was so surreal, I couldn't grasp what was happening. I just couldn't think of one reason why she would be laughing, not during something so painfull. She did cry, a couple of times and when she did, I would wipe the tears away and she'd laugh and laugh and laugh.

I spoke to Carlisle about this, but he couldn't tell me much either. Jasper couldn't get a read on her feelings and Alice' visions weren't clear. We were in the dark until she woke up.

"It's time," I heard Alice say from downstairs and they all rushed to the room Bella and I were in, including the filthy mutt who refused to leave until he saw if she was okay. How would she ever be okay? Not even Rosalie knew what Bella would be feeling now, and she knew a thing or two about pain.

"Ten seconds," Alice stated as we all stood in the room, nervous and scared as hell as Jasper tried to send us all calming waves.

It was then that Bella screamed, when the burning was at its worse, I presume, and then she was dead. Well, undead technically. A vampire, condemned for life. Everyone was anxiously awaiting the moment she'd stand up, but she just kept lying there, still as stone.

"Bella?" Carlisle called out and I almost wanted to growl at him for being the first to speak to her, but didn't when I saw it got her attention. She moved to stand up, and not knowing her knew abilities yet, she jumped, flipped and landed on her feet, rather gracefully too for a newborn.

She looked down at her feet in wonder and amazement - clearly she had no idea how she had done that. She looked up at us and paused when she saw me standing here. A smile appeared on her face and if my heart had been beating right now, it would have jumped out of my chest out of exitement and happiness. This meant she remembered me, and if she remembered me, there was hope. Hope that it would all be okay.

She ran to me at full speed, knocking me down as she fell against me - being a newborn, she was stronger than me at the moment. She stared at me with confusion in her eyes for a second, then she began to laugh. My jaw clenched; this wasn't normal. This wasn't right.

My eyes filled with sadness, guilt and desperation - what if she never recovered from this and it was all because of me? Suddenly, she stopped laughing, got off of me and stood back straight on her feet. She seemed to be concentrating on something as she stared at me.

_'I'm not sure, but I think she's feeling anger. It's not very clear, though,' _Jasper's thoughts reached me. I wanted to thank him, but couldn't because I was too obsorbed with Bella for the moment.

"Bella?" I called out. She stared at me, blankly. Not a word came from her, she just stared.

"She's confused," Jasper said, aloud this time. I didn't get it. What was she confused about right now? My knees almost buckled in when she answered my unspoken question.

"What's a Bella?" She asked and almost straight away, her hand flew up to her mouth, probably in amazement of the sound of her sweet, bell-like voice. But I wasn't paying attention to that. I was too focussed on what she had said. She didn't remember that she was Bella? Did she even remember anything at all.

There was a long silence as we all just stared and stood there. Eventually, Bella began pacing around the room, muttering to herself, not realizing we could all hear her.

"Don't like this. Devil gave me bad needle. I want good needle. My happy angel, happy Edward, happy-" -my hope was renewed when I heard my name from her lips, indicating she did at least remember that- "-good needle is better. Flying is better. Where's the Devil? I don't... not good. Not the needle, not the same. This is different. Maybe Devil is gone? Maybe my angel saved me. No, no, no. Bad PET! Stupid PET! The angel doesn't love you, said so himself. I-I...I don't understand. No, no, no, no....," She was panicking and my heart was breaking.

I stood there, we all stood there, helpless as she muttered to herself, saying things that didn't make sense and some that did. Finally, she curled up in a ball in the corner, rocking herself forth and back, still muttering. She had finally realized that this was not the needle - whatever she meant by that, though I think I knew - and she didn't like it. She was scared and lost and none of us knew what to do. We just stood there and watched and listened. Helpless of what to do. I think we were all lost in that moment. Wondering if any of us would ever find our way back. Especially Bella, who was more lost than all of us combined.


	15. I remember everything

**Chapter 14: I remember everything**

**Esme POV**

I stood there, trying my best not to cry dry tears as I watched my daughter - because that's exactly what she was to me - fall to pieces, seemingly unaware of her surroundings. It brroke my heart to see the amazing young lady I had once known so damaged, so broken. This wasn't meant to happen to her - she didn't deserve any of this pain.

'I'm sorry Edward. I wish I could do something to help,' I thought to my son - my son who had to be in so much pain right now. Seeing Bella like this, it had to hurt him, badly. I saw him glance at me, but he didn't say anything, he immediately averted his gaze back toward Bella.

I don't know what I would do, if it were Carlisle in such a state as Bella was currently in. I think I'd simply fall apart myself - I wasn't too far from it right now. But I had to stay strong, for Bella, for Edward, for my family. I couldn't let them see me fall apart. It was hard enough on poor Jasper feeling my emotions, along with everyone else's.

I looked toward Bella, still rocking back and forth, panicking as everyone watched her, and sighed. How I had missed her, so much. I'd missed our conversations and how I would love to cook for her. I missed the light in her eyes when she spoke about my son or when she spoke about being a member of this family. I even missed her clumzyness and how Carlisle would always have to stitch her up.

I was still so embarrassed about the last time I had seen her - when she had gotten hurt and I had not been strong enough to stay with her because of the blood and the hunger I had felt toward it. I had been deeply ashamed I did not behave stronger.

Suddenly, Bella jumped up in a flash, though we could all see thanks to our vampire vision, and jumped out of the window. We all stood there for a few seconds, shocked as could be. None of us had anticipated that - not even Alice, because her vision was blocked due to the sweet Jacob boy, the wolf. Once the shock wore off, Edward, Emmett and Alice jumped out of the window after Bella. The boy, Jacob, went as well, to warn his fellow wolf brothers that they might come across her, since she didn't seem lucid enough to remember the rules set up between us. They hadn't ever really been explained to her as they should be to the fullest.

Carlisle stayed with me, as well as Rosalie and Jasper. I think Rose was simply too overwhelmed with what she had seen of Bella - she knew a bit of what Bella had gone through, but nothing as drastic and mentally altering as Bella went through and I think that the realization that she could have ended up that way hit her hard, and bad.

Jasper was just too overcome by all the emotions, probably mostly from Bella. I think it would do him good to be out of her way for a little while. I couldn't imagine what he had to be feeling right about now, and honestly, I wouldn't want to trade places with him. I had enough trouble with my own feelings, I couldn't handle any more. Jasper, my youngest son, was so much stronger than he gave himself credit for. He just hadn't realized it yet.

And Carlisle, well, he stayed because he knew I needed him, badly, right now. I was comforted by his embrace and his love for me. He was right where I needed him right now, in my arms.

As for Bella, I knew the rest of the kids would take care of her and keep her safe, I had no doubt about that. It was her mind, her spirit, I was worried about. Would she ever completely heal after what she lived through? I liked to hope so, but I doubted it. It would, most likely, stay with her for the rest of her immortal life. I just hope that she would heal enough to be Bella again - her mind was fractured now and we needed to be there to mend it. I just hope our support will be enough. I don't know what I'd do if we don't get my daughter back.

**Jacob POV**

Fuck! Bella - sweet, innocent, amazing Bella had gone nuts. There was no other explanation for her freakish behaviour. She'd lost all her marbles. I doubted there was even a trace of her old self left in that vampire mind of hers. I guess changing her didn't make a damn bit of difference in the end - Bella Swan was dead. All that's left was an empty shell.

As I watched Bella jump out of the window, I ran downstairs, out of the house and shifted into my wolf form. She may have lost her mind, but I couldn't just let her go - I still wanted to keep her safe, even though I failed, horribly.

As soon as I changed, 3 other minds joined mine - Sam, Seth and Leah; they were on patrol now. I didn't even try and block my mind from them, I just showed them everything that happened.

_'Told you she was better off dead,'_ Leah though, I growled at her and she simply ignored me. I would seriously love to take a bite out of her. Seth wined when he heard my thoughts; Leah was his sister, after all.

_'Sorry Seth,' _I apologized, just 'cause it was Seth, not 'cause I was actually sorry.

_'We need to find Bella, before she hurts someone,'_ Sam said, authority clear in his mental voice. He was thinking that Bella could be very dangerous in the state she was in, and as much as I wanted to disagree, I couldn't. He was right, and we all knew it.

_'We won't hurt her, will we?'_ Seth asked before I had a chance. Sam sighed.

_'Not unless we have no choice,'_ Sam said - no one responded, not even Leah. We all knew that Newborn vampires were stronger and more dangerous than other vampires, and Bella being the way she was, could be more dangerous than any newborn out there.

We met up and followed Bella's scent - we soon discovered that she had crossed the border onto Quilette land, which was normally punishable by death. But we wouldn't kill her for that - she had no idea, of course. This also meant that the Cullens couldn't get to her, not unless they had a death wish.

_'Over there,'_ Sam said, choking a little on his words as he watched the scene that was playing out a few feet further.

Bella was hunched over an animal - a small deer - drinking, but suddenly, she stopped. At first I thought it was because she smelled us, but then I realized she had no clue we were there, she was in her own world.

She pulled away from the animal and looked at her bloodstained hands and clothes, and suddenly, she freaked. It was like she was remembering something, something painfull.

"No, no, no, no, no, no...," She repeated over and over again, shaking her head and never taking her eyes off of her bloody hands.

'Seth, go find the Cullens and get them here. They know you and Edward will hear your thoughts, so they won't harm you. Go now!' Sam ordered Seth, knowing he was well liked amung the Cullens. It was a shock that he'd allow them on the grounds, but then again, he didn't really have a choice.

'I'm sure as hell not staying here if those leeches are coming,' Leah seethed, I growled at her - again. She never thought of anyone but herself. Sam understood, though, and told her she was free to go home. There was nothing she could do anyway. And as long as I was in my wolf form, there was nothing I could do either.

'Change, help her,' Sam said and I didn't hesitate a second to do as he said. He stayed in his wolf form, in order to keep track of Seth, who was close to finding the Cullens.

I changed, put on my short, and very carefully, approached Bella, who still hadn't noticed me.

"Bella?" I called out, when I was only one feet away from her. She looked up at me with horror filled eyes. My heart broke all over again, seeing that look in her eyes. As much as I hated the crazy filled eyes she had before, I think I hated these pain filled eyes even more. I hated to see her in pain.

"I remember everything," She whispered to me, looking back at the animal.

"I woke up, and couldn't remember and I was scared and I ran, I just ran. I smelled the deer then, and I just couldn't resist. I-I snapped it's neck and drank from it and then I saw the blood and, and it all came back. I think I was crazy for a while, but not anymore. I remember everything. I just want to forget. Jacob, please, make me forget?" She adressed me and I knew then, Bella wasn't crazy before, not really, she was just protecting herself from the hurt and now that it was all back, she was drowning in pain and horror, her eyes showed it.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I wish I could take it all away, but I can't. I couldn't protect you, like I promised. I'm so sorry," I apologized and when I finished, the air filled with more vampire scents, along with Seth's scent. The Cullens were here. Edward, Alice and Emmett. Bella smelled them too, because she immediately looked up at them.

"Bella?" Edward asked, wary of the response he would get. He already knew she remembered, he'd seen it in my mind, no doubt. Bella drew in a shaky breath, even though she didn't need it and asked the one question none of us could answer, not really.

"Why? Why did this happen?" She whispered, so low a human wouldn't be able to hear, but we all heard and we had no words to speak to her. Why, indeed. Why did this happen, to Bella of all people? We could ask ourselves that a million times, but we couldn't give a complete answer, because we didn't know. And as she looked at all of our faces, she knew that as well. She began to sob and hit her fists against the ground, putting holes in it with her strength.

I wished I could help her, but I couldn't, I doubted anyone could. We had no idea what she'd been through or how she felt - we could try, but we would never fully understand, not by a long shot.


	16. Starvation Until Insanity

**Chapter 15: Starvation Until Insanity**

**Bella POV**

The memories attacked me with the power of thousands of knives piercing piercing my now dead, cold heart. None of the memories were fuzzy, as my once former vampire family told me their human memories were. If anything, they were more clear now then they were when I was human. And all I wished now was to forget, forget it all. I wished I could go back to my crazy state of mind, but I couldn't. I don't think I was ever really gone in my mind, I'd just gone a bit too deep inside and had to scratch my way back to the surface.

I just continued to sob tears that would never be able to fall anymore and continued to hit the ground with my newfound strength. All the shame, pain, loss and guilt was becoming too much. But then, as I remembered more, anger possessed me. Anger toward those who let this happen to me - to all those who had once claimed to love me and then left me.

I looked up at all of them; Jacob, Alice, Emmett and Edward - I could think his name now, since he was standing before me, it was not as painfull as if used to be all those months.

"You left me. All of you," I accused them, venom sounding clear in my voice. They all continued to look at me with sadness and guilt in their eyes - even Emmett, who I don't think I'd ever seen sad before. I thought he was the only one who could not get overpowered by such an emotion as sadness. I grew even more angry when they refused to answer me.

"You all just left me, all of you!" I shouted, wanting nothing more than to run away from them, from all of this. Why couldn't they have let me die? I remember begging to be changed before they left me all alone, how it was all I wished for, and now all I wished for was death - death that would not come for me no. Just another more cruel play out of my life.

"Bella...," Edward called out, seeming to choke on having to say my name. He was even more disgusted with me now than before he left. Before, I was a toy he got tired of, now I was a dirty used human pet they had changed into a vampire so they could have more fun with me. Oh no! I had to get out of here, I wouldn't live through any of that, not again. This was probably just a plan devised by _him_, the Devil, to make me feel free for a few moments and then he would get me again. I couldn't let that happen, not again.

"I won't go back," I whispered, jumped up and took of running, amazed by how clear I was seeing things and how fast I was going, though it was just a distant emotion, nothing tangible. I had no idea where I was going, all I knew was that my instincts were telling me to run away as fast as I could. Even if they weren't here on the Devil's commands, they would still want to punish me for the things I've done, and I couldn't let that happen. I was too scared. Even of Edward. I dreamed of seeing him again thousands of times and now I was running from him out of fear.

My emotions were all over the place and made no sense to me, and all I wanted was to feel numb, but that was impossible now. I wanted the needle - the drugs, I think - the Devil gave me but I knew I wouldn't be able to feel them anymore, not in this vampire body. I just wanted to die, I wanted to dissapear, but how? I had nothing that could help me. Maybe I could starve myself? I doubted it would kill me, but maybe it would make me crazy again, crazy enough to forget again. It was better when I was able to forget.

I'd just hide out somewhere in a cave or something in the woods and avoid any human contact, not that I was really that hellbent on drinking human blood or any blood at all. That animal was a mistake, I wasn't thinking clear then, I was now. I would do it, starve myself and pray that the day came that I would just go crazy or maybe even wither away, if I were that lucky. Knowing me, I wasn't. Starvation till insanity would just have to suffice.

**Emmett POV**

I couldn't believe it, my lill' sis' was scared of us. She ran away from us. Jezus, this was all so messed up beyond words. How could we have let it get this far?

"We need to find her. Alice?" Edward asked as he looked at our pixie sis'. The wolf man was still here, in human form, along with one of his buddies who was still in his wolf form. Protecting their teritory, I guess.

I looked at my vamp siblings and saw they were having one of their freaky, mental conversations. Normally I'd say something stupid or childish about it, but I couldn't. I couldn't joke anymore, not since all this happened. And I vowed I wouldn't joke until we got Bella back, the way she used to be, which could take a while. I didn't care, it was no fun right now anyway.

"She's planning on hiding in a cave not too far from here and starve herself. I think we should let her have at least a couple of hours to herself. She'll be okay for now," Alice said, I nodded but I could see Eddie - I still couldn't resist calling him that, no matter how bad the situation - was about to protest, though Alice beat him to it.

"Don't start, Edward. Rose and I will go get her later. She'll be scared, but not as scared if any males would come. She'll be home withing 10 hours, okay?" She said, determined to have it her way. You couldn't mess with that pixie, I did have to smile at that.

"I need to cool down some steam, tell Rose I won't be too long," I said, each of them nodding. I gave a slight nod to the wolf boys and took of running. I was way too pumped, angry even, which was a rarity for me.

I ran and sniffed the air until I came across my favorite hunt - bear. I wasn't very hungry, but wrestling the dumb thing would relax me, as would the blood, so I sneaked up on it as fast as I could and smiled, waiting to pounce on the animal.

When I saw the bear sniff the air and stiffen, I knew he knew danger was ahead. This was what I'd been waiting for, so I sprung and pounced on the bear's back. It shrieked in fear and amazement. I could've sunk my teeth in him, but I wanted a good fight - I hadn't had one since we killed that son of a bitch nomad vamp, which felt fantastic btw - so I toyed with it, let if try and fight me.

Of course, the bear didn't stand a chance against me and all too soon, it seemed to give up his fight, knowing it wasn't of any use. He was dead either way. I grinned and sunk my teeth into it's skin, sipping up every last drop of blood.

I left the karkas on the muddy forrest ground and went on my way home, to my lovely wife and hopefully to more information of Bella's whereabouts and current condition. I hoped she'd pull through. I missed my little sister.


	17. Walking On Thin Ice

**_A/N: So, thanks for all the reviews these past chapters, I loved them and love you all. So I know this chapter is short, but I just came out of the hospital and am really tired. Turns out I've got Mono, yep, mono. It so sucks. I was in the hospital for a week because I couldn't eat or drink a thing and was seriously dehydrated. I'm home now but I'm still tired as hell and my throat hurts worse than hell, really. Doc says it could take months for it to leave my system and that I have to rest and drink a lot. Anyways, I was feeling a little less tired now so I figured I'd write a quick update. Hope you enjoy._**

**Chapter 16: Walking On Thin Ice**

**Rosalie POV**

Alice wanted me to come with her to go get Bella, but I didn't want to, especially now that she had her memories back. I was so awful to her when she was a human and was probably one of the last persons - well, vampire technically - she would want to see right now. But no, Alice was determined for me to tag along, because I was a girl who knew what Bella was feeling right now - well, part of it, at least.

"I promise you, it'll be okay. She'll be scared of us and angry with me but she won't be angry with you for some reason, so I need you there," Alice said, finally convincing me. I guess it's the least I could do after the way I treated her.

"Fine, but don't blame me if she freaks because I'm there," I said, by which she just rolled her eyes and ran off to Bella as I followed.

The cave was small and secluded, away from everything, including animals. I could immediately recognize Bella's strawberry scent - even as a vampire she still smelled that way. I knew she must have smelled us as well, but she gave no reaction to our presence exept one little sentence when we got closer.

"Stupid future seeing pixie," she muttered, by which I chuckeled and Alice glared at me.

Silently, I followed Alice into the small, dirty cave and looked upon a very sad scene. Bella sat there - the clothes Alice had put her in were torn, bloody and filthy - just staring into space. The expression on her face would have been enough to make a human me cry, it was so heartbreaking.

"Bella, sweetie?" Alice asked as she carefully approached Bella - she didn't move an inch as we got closer.

"Go away. Leave me alone," She voiced, almost inaudibly. She didn't want to see anyone now, I understood that completely. After what happened to me, I didn't want to see anyone either. In fact, I wanted to rip everyone's heads off, so it surprised me that Bella was this calm, especially for a newborn.

"Bella, please, we want you to come home with us," Alice pleaded while I just stood there unsure of what to say. Bella gave no response. I sighed and stepped closer to her.

"Bella, can we talk?" I asked and she looked at me as if I had gone crazy, probably because this was the first time ever that I talked to her directly.

"I guess I'll do the talking then. I need to tell you something, about myself and how I was changed," I said and then began to tell my story, hoping she'd understand that I knew a bit of how she was feeling and that she could trust me.

**Carlisle POV**

"Carlisle, will she heal from this?" My son, in so many ways but blood, asked me, slightly panicking. I shook my head in defeat, this was very unpredictable and could go several ways.

"I don't know, Edward. It's a really good thing that she remembers us, but not good that she remembers what happened. It could take decades for her to heal and even for her to trust us again. We can do nothing but wait and see what happens," I said, feeling sorry that I could not give more sollid information to my first son.

"I just want her back, so badly," Edward all but moaned, I nodded.

"I know, son. And I hope you do get her back, but it will take time. This is going to be very hard, on both of you," I voiced. I truly could not imagine how hard this had to be on both Edward and Bella, especially Bella, who had to go through things no-one should have to go through in his or her life. But she survived it all, and hopefully she could overcome this all and be stronger in the end because of it.

"I hope so too," Edward choked out, reading my thoughts, then left to be on his own for a while.

My hope, beyond everything, was that Bella would heal and she and Edward would find their way back to each other. If not, I don't know how this family would go on any longer. We were all walking on thin ice and it was just waiting to crack and swallow us all whole.


	18. Monster and Anxious Feelings

**Chapter 17: ****Monsters and Anxious Feelings**

**Bella POV**

Rosalie's story was sad, sad indeed, and extremely hard to listen to, but still I couldn't help but think that she was the lucky one. She lived through one night of it, I lived through months of it - maybe even years - I lost track of time. She was an innocent, I was a monster.

I looked her in the eyes - completely ignoring Alice' presence; I was still mad at her for leaving - and sighed dejectedly. I recognized the strongest emotion in her eyes - how could I not after having felt it so much for so long - pain, a lot of pain. She might have told herself and everyone else she was over it, but the look in her eyes told me different.

"I can't come back..., I'm a monster," I whispered, voicing my true feelings. Yes, I was mad at them for leaving, but I forgave them all a long time ago - exept Rosalie, because she never pretended to like me, so it didn't surprise me or hurt me as much when she left because she never lied - I love them all too much.

"Bella, what are you talking about?" It was Alice who spoke this time, clearly not seeing if I would explain in the future or not. I wasn't going to answer, I couldn't. I wanted to tell them, yell at them to just walk away and never come back because I was just too much of a monster to hang around with, but I couldn't. I couldn't say anything. I couldn't tell them why I was a monster. And if I ever did tell, they'd hurt me, and I can't stand any more pain.

"I can't come back..., I won't." Came my response instead, wishing they'd just leave me to suffer in peace. Both Alice and Rosalie frowned, clearly not pleased with my answer, but then Alice' eyes glazed over for a second and when she came back, she smiled.

"Okay, then I guess we'll just have to stay with you and starve as well, if that's what you want," She said and my eyes widened in shock. I didn't want that. I didn't want any of them to hurt because of me, no matter what they said or did.

"Y-you can't. I won't let you," I said, my voice patheticly weak.

"Oh, we can and we will. Won't we Rosalie?" Alice adressed Rosalie, grinning wickedly. I didn't like that grin, but said nothing about it either. They could hurt me if they wanted, I'm sure.

"Oh, definately. Either we starve with you or you come back with us," Rosalie responded, looking past me to Alice.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, they were giving me an ultimatum! Either I would be responsible for their demise, or I had to return to the Cullen household to save them from my own fate. And I couldn't do it to them, I couldn't cause their destruction. I may be a monster, but I wasn't _that _evil.

I had no choice.

**Edward POV**

They weren't back yet. It had been hours and they weren't back! What was taking so long? Were they fighting her? Had Bella attacked them in her newborn state? Were they hurting her? What the hell was taking them so damn long?!

"Dude, could ya stop it already! You're giving me a headache." Jasper stopped my inner rant. I stared at him with a mixture of sorrow and shame in my eyes; I was letting my feelings get so out of control lately, it wasn't me.

"Sorry," I replied, honestly.

"Look, don't worry about it. Just don't block me out next time I try to help ya," Jasper said and I was immediately confused. Block him out? I wasn't doing that, was I?

"I wasn't-" I started but was cut of by my empath of a brother.

"Yeah, ya were, you just didn't know you were doin' it," He explained and I nodded. I guess I did put up my defences sometimes without realizing it and even though blocking Jasper's gift was very hard, I could do it if I was feeling strongly enough about something.

"Seriously dudes, what is taking our girls so long?" Emmett came in the living room where Jasper and I were seated, voicing my earlier pained thoughts.

"I don't know," I sighed, feeling at a complete loss of what to do. What if something really did happen? No, nothing happened, it couldn't have. Bella was a newborn after all, she was more powerfull than us at the moment. But was she, really? In her fragile state of mind, did she have the strength and will of that of a newborn? Or did she feel weak?

"Edward, you're doin' it again. Just chill, they'll be back soon," Jasper said confidently, putting all his trust in Alice, knowing without a doubt that she knew what she was doing.

I didn't say anything anymore, only occasionaly listening to my family's thoughts - including Esme and Carlisle's who had joined us in our living room wake - tuning them out when I thoughts went back to Bella and where she was at this moment.

We sat there for hours, no sign of the return of any of the girls, and after a while, even Jasper began to feel a little anxious, though I think that was just because the rest of us were all feeling it and it became to strong for him to block out.

Just as I was sick of all the waiting and was going to find them myself, the front door opened and three very familiar scents walked in, one of them being none other than my Bella; I'd recognize her scent anywhere, it hadn't changed much.

The entire world stilled around me as I waited for her to round the corner and enter the living room. It seemed as if I were waiting for a lifetime, until finally...

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	19. Unexpected Conversations

_**A/N: **__**Thank you all for the reviews you've given, I loved them all. And I hope I get to read more once you've read this chapter.**_

Also, I would like to dedicate this chapter to MistyTearzz, who knows what for. Thanks again. ;-)

**Chapter 18: Unexpected Conversations**

**Jasper POV**

The moment I sensed Bella, Alice and Rosalie walk in, I expected to be assaulted with some extreme emotions from Bella, but there was nothing, only numbness. Had she become imune to my gift, or was she really that numb?

I saw Edward frown at my thoughts, but he didn't say anything, he just kept his focus on Bella. Remorce was the most prominent of his emotions as he was probably blaming himself again for what happened, even though he wasn't to blame.

We all sat or stood in the living room, all our eyes upon Bella, for I don't know how long. It had to be long, because the numbness in Bella was beginning to fade away to make place for real emotions. She felt scared, self-loathing and discomfort. Her eyes kept darting to the door and back, as if she was trying to figure out a way to escape and run. She didn't move though.

Eventually, Edward stood up and walked towards Bella, who took a step back each time he took a step forward. Edward felt hurt by this rejection, but he wasn't about to give up on her, he was too determined to save her for that to happen.

"Bella..., I'm so sorry," He whispered brokenly, standing a few feet away from her. Bella's eyes widened at his words and she felt shocked, but didn't say anything. Instead, she lowered her head and gazed at the floor, avoiding any of our looks.

"Please...," Edward pleaded, so low I almost didn't hear it, and it did the trick because Bella looked up and stared straight into Edward's eyes.

"Why?" She whispered, her voice shaking as she looked from one face to another until her gaze ended back upon Edward. I didn't know what she meant with the question, but I guess I would find out if or when Edward responded.

"I was trying to protect you. I thought you deserved a normal and safe life, that's why I left. I love you Bella, I always have and always will," Edward voiced and now I understood; she was asking why we left. Yes, we left to protect her and it did more harm than good. But we didn't know, we couldn't have known what would happen.

Bella's emotions were all over the place, but they were much easier to read than any time since we found her. She was shocked, angry and didn't believe what she was being told. She shook her head and glared at Edward, though her anger wasn't as strong as I thought it might be.

"No." It was one word, such a small word, but it was so final and meant so much more than just one word. She was breaking inside and thought that pushing us away would help her. She didn't want our help.

Edward turned to me with pleading eyes, asking me for help. I nodded and send as many calming waves to Bella as I could. I could feel her anger and all other emotions dissipate as she became as calm as the surface of a still sea.

She gazed at everyone again, then turned and walked out the door again. Edward wanted to go after her, thinking she was leaving us, but was stopped by Alice.

"Let her be. She'll be back," Alice said, confident. I was anxious that she would hurt a human if she crossed one's path, but Alice would have said something if that was the case, so I was confident that it would be okay.

**Leah POV**

I was so sick of Jacob's Bella thoughts swirling through my mind all the time that I completely ditched patrol tonight, shifted back into my human form and was now walking around in the forest with no other purpose than to clear my head.

Sure, what happened to Bella was a shitty thing, but in my opinion, we just prolonged her suffering by letting those leeches turn her. She was probably wishing for death this very second.

Without realizing where I was heading, I suddenly found myself at the treaty border, looking upon a mumbling, pacing figure. A figure that I recognized as none other than Bella Swan herself.

Just fucking fantastic, even when I tried to escape the thoughts of her, I couldn't escape her. It was like she was intent on making me insane. And the smell, it was horrible; how did she not smell me already?

I sat down to listen to her ramblings; if I couldn't escape her, I might as well try to figure her out, for the sake of every weak human out there that she could kill in the blink of an eye.

"He doesn't love you, Bella, he's lying. They left. They don't want me. I can't trust them. I can't trust anyone. Everyone leaves. Edward left. Jacob left. They don't want me. They'll hate me," she rambled on and on and on until I finally got sick of it and the words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

"Jacob didn't have a choice." Great, now I was defending the love sick puppy _and _conversing with a leech. My entire freakin' world was turning upside down. She turned to me with wild eyes, but seemed to relax when she saw who I was - I didn't look that safe, did I?

"He left," She said, her voice void of any emotions.

"They both left," She continued without giving me time to respond. I could tell her what I thought, all my angry thoughts, especially toward the leeches, or maybe I could do something good for once and tell her what I knew to be true but had never admitted. I chose the latter.

"The leeches left to keep you safe. A stupid move on their part, yeah, but they suffered as much as anyone who lost you, especially the mind reader. I thought he was going crazy trying to find you. And Jacob didn't have a choice. Sam ordered him to stay away from you, and you can't ignore an Alpha order," I said, surprising myself with how easy the words came from my mouth. I thought it would be harder to say, especially to a leech.

Bella looked as if someone had just told her Santa Clause wasn't real or something. She was obviously trying to convince herself that I was lying. I shrugged inwardly; I didn't care if she believed me or not. I said it and that was all I would ever do for another leech.

I got up and walked away, relieved to be away from the smell as I walked further away from her. I sighed and phased, prepared for the grief the pack would give me for skipping patrol. I briefly wondered what they'd think of me talking to Bella, but then realized that I didn't give a damn so it didn't matter what they would think.

I just hoped that I wouldn't have to deal with another leech any time soon. I was so sick of all of them and their bitching. The Cullens were such babies...


	20. It Changes Nothing

**Chapter 19: It Changes Nothing**

**Alice POV**

The moment Bella's future went completely blank, I blocked my thoughts from Edward, knowing he'd completely freak out (even more so than he already was). Instead, I made the excuse that I needed to go hunting, alone. I knew my family was suspicious, especially Edward who didn't know what I was hiding from him and Jasper who knew what I was feeling.

I knew the only reason Bella's future would disappear like that was because of the wolves, so I could only hope that she was just talking to Jacob, who I know wouldn't hurt her. I didn't trust the other wolves, exept Seth; he was okay as far as wolves could be okay. But if one of those canines had hurt her, a war would be started, definately. We didn't go this far just to loose her in the end.

I couldn't see her, so I had no choice but to try and smell her scent. It was fairly new and it was everywhere; if I didn't have vampire speed, I'd have spend days, maybe even weeks looking for her.

What I found shocked me; it was that female wolf, Leah, talking to Bella, basically telling her that we really did love her. Something I never thought I'd hear her say; she was so bitter (even more so than Rosalie).

I was unsure wether or not to go and talk to Bella, because I didn't know how she'd receive me, when Bella decided for me. I guess she was developing fast for a newborn vampire; it was rather uncanning.

"You can come out, Alice. I don't bite," She said and if she wouldn't have been so serious, I would have laughed at the pun. I sighed and stepped out, sitting down next to Bella. I wanted to look into the future to see how this would turn out, but honestly, I had no idea what to look for. I didn't know what I was gonna say to her, I hadn't decided, therefore I could not see the outcome.

**Bella POV**

Alice and I sat there for hours, just looking infront of us, not saying a word, not even moving. She obviously didn't know what to say to me and neither did I. What was there to say? They thought I all hated them for leaving them, but I only hated myself for what I did. There was no forgiving for what I did. Even if Edward meant what he said to me back at the house, he would never be able to forgive me if he knew the truth.

"Did he mean it? What he said.., about leaving me?" I finally asked, needing to hear if from someone else. Yes, he had said it himself and Leah had also said it after my little break down earlier (I think there would be more break downs to come in the future), but it wasn't enough to reassure me.

"Off course, Bella. You are Edward's life. When he left you, he left us. He was as broken as you were. You two are meant to be together. What happened doesn't change that. Nothing will ever change that. The truth is, if this hadn't happened, Edward would have come back on his own sooner or later," Alice told me and I could hear the sincerity in her voice.

But then even if I could allow myself to believe it, it didn't matter anymore. I wasn't his anymore. I belonged to the devil now.

"He'll take that all back once he knows what happened..., what I did," I choked out, desperately wishing I could cry then, but I couldn't. There were no more tears in me; I had truly become a monster now.

"Bella, I know everything he did to you..., what he made you do. I saw it, as did Edward. Neither of us blame you for anything, you are not to blame for anything that has happened these last months," Alice said and I looked at her with wide eyes. They knew? They knew what I'd done? How filthy I was. And they still wanted me? Why?

"I need time to think," I said, but reluctant to move from my spot. I felt safe here, even though I was right next to the border of the wolves, this felt safe. I half expected Alice to argue with me and force me to come with her, but she didn't. She just nodded, told me to take my time and that they'd be waiting for me when I decided to go home, then she left.

So they knew, and they thought I wasn't to blame. But it didn't change anything; it didn't change my thoughts or feelings. Honestly, I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to go back to them, carrying the shame I did. Reliving the things I did constantly in my mind, constantly fearing the devil would come back for me to finish what he started. It didn't change the fact that I was never good enough for Edward, and now would never ever have the change to be good enough for him. It didn't change the fact that I was completely broken.


	21. Love You, Mom

_A/N/: Hope you're all glad I'm updating more frequently again. Wanna know why? I've got my OWN laptop now! Yay! My brother bought it for me. YAY YAY YAY! Which means much more time on the pc :D So happy :D_

**Chapter 20: Love You, Mom**

**Esme POV**

My heart was breaking as I looked at my oldest son falling apart at the seams. I could see how much it hurt him to watch Bella walk away and not be able to go after her. I could see he was unsure wether or not she would ever come back.

But I was sure. I was more sure of their love than anything I'd ever been sure of in my entire human and vampire life. Their love could withstand everything, even this. I truly believed this was just a bump in the road. A big, horrible and extremely difficult bump, yes, but they would overcome it. If anyone would make it, it would be Edward and Bella. I was positive of that fact.

Edward looked at me and smiled a very tiny smile, responding to my thought, most likely. I smiled back at him, but I felt it wasn't enough. I walked over to him and pulled him into my embrace, holding him tightly to me, conveying all my love for him in this hug.

_'I love you son, and I love Bella. I have faith in both of you. Don't despair just yet.'_

I relayed my message for him in my thoughts, hoping he would listen to my words and keep hope.

"I love you too, mom," Edward responded and I could almost feel my heart skip a beat, though it no longer technically beat at all. He called me mom for the first time in months, and until now I hadn't even realized how much I missed hearing that. This only made me more sure that I would have my family as a whole again. We would fix each other.

Suddenly, Edward's eyes darkened.

"Alice is coming. She talked to Bella. Bella thought I'd blame her for everything that's happened," He said in stunned disbelief. This made me extremely sad; of course she would think we'd blame her instead of her blaming us, she always was a martyr.

"That's ridiculous," Emmett voiced what we all thought. Alice came in the room then with a response.

"It's not in Bella's mind. But I think I might have gotten through to her, partially thanks to Leah, I have to admit," She said, and we all - exept Edward - looked at her in surprise, wondering what the female werewolf had to do with this.

"I got to Bella just in time to hear Leah tell her that we all really did love Bella and really did leave to protect her. I have to admit, I never saw that one coming," Alice said in superspeed as she walked over to Jasper, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek.

"We just have to have faith that she listened and will come back to us," I said, smiling at my family, especially at my lovely husband standing by my side. I don't know what I'd do without him: my saviour, my life, my love.

**Edward POV**

Though Esme's thoughts gave me comfort, they also pained me; because I was not as sure as she if Bella and I would make it. I wasn't sure if Bella would ever want me near her again. Though Alice said she didn't blame me, but herself - which is utterly ridiculous - I could not help but think that she would never want me by her side again.

I was trying to keep hope, but it was difficult, extremely so. I just needed to see her, to touch her and tell her how much I love her and how sorry I am and always will be, because it was no one's fault but my own that Bella had been taken by that monster. I always thought I was a monster, but Laurent showed me the true nature of a monster. I may be a monster, but Laurent was a devil without a flicker of humanity.

I shook my head, trying to clear out the thoughts of him; he was gone, I didn't need to think of him any longer. I needed to focus on my Bella now, and help her through this, no matter what.

I suddenly smelled the sweetest smell I'd ever smell again; it was a micture of freesia and strawberries, Bella. Not the same exact scent she had as a human, but the best I'd ever smelled nonetheless. She was coming back..., for now at least.

Alice was at the door before Bella had a chance to knock and bring it down with her newborn vampire strength she hadn't exactly gotten used too. I stayed where I was, not wanting to scare Bella away again. Instead, I viewed my love through Alice' thoughts. She was beautiful, even with the tortured, sad look in her eyes. I'd never seen anyone or -thing more beautiful than her.

"Hi, Bella. Come in," Alice said, keeping her voice light and chipper, though her thoughts stated otherwise. I was glad she was trying to keep normalcy in her actions to make Bella feel more comfortable.

Seeing Bella through Alice' thoughts was one thing, but seeing her with my own set of eyes as she walked into the living room was like watching a picture of perfection, something you'd never think you'd find. Though I had seen her already, I hadn't really payed attention to her newfound beauty - not better than before, just different and more extreme - until now and it was almost enough to make me fall to my knees and beg her to take me back and allow me to help her.

Bella looked me in the eye, seemingly oblivious - or most likely just ignoring them - to the rest of the family in the room. She seemed to be struggling with something, as if she wanted to ask me a question, but was afraid to do so. I was afraid to speak before she had the chance, so I tried to convey a message with my eyes that she could ask me anything she wanted, anything at all. She seemed to understand.

"How are you not disgusted with me? With what I've done?" She asked, completely ignoring the gasps that came from all of the family, including me.

"Bella, how could you ever think that? The only one I'm disgusted with is the thing that did this to you, and he's dead. I could never ever ever be disgusted with you. I love you," I said, honesty and firmnes so she would no that I meant every word I said.

"You killed the devil? He's not coming back for me?" Bella asked with a spark of hope in her voice, clearly relieved that he would never come back. I realized then we hadn't even told her that; she was scared of something she shouldn't have been just because we were oblivious to see that she would need to know that.

"Yes, he's dead. You're safe now, love," I confirmed and she sighed with definate relief. Then she looked around the room and looked at everyone with wide eyes; she must have been so deep within her own thoughts to forget that they were dead.

"Can we talk? In private? Just talk, though, nothing else," She said, trying to make it clear that she didn't want any touching, but not wanting to say it in those words. I was happy enough that she wanted to talk to me in private, it was more than I'd expected. So of course I nodded, very eagerly, with a huge smile on my face. Maybe we'd work out after all...


	22. It's Not Fair

**Chapter 21: It's Not Fair**

**Edward POV**

I followed my love as she ran through the forrest, unsure of the direction she was taking. The farther she ran, the more I recognized it to be the way to Quillete teritory. She did know she couldn't cross the border without repricutions, didn't she? I hoped she did and swallowed back the fear that was threatening to rise and stop her; I would achieve nothing, exept maybe scare her away, if I did such a thing. So, I bit my tongue and waited for her to stop.

Eventually, she did stop, right at the Quillette border, where she had been earlier as I'd seen in Alice' thoughts. She must like this place a lot, then. She sat down on the ground in one swift movement. If a human had seen her, they'd immediately know there was something non-human about they way she moved.

I sat down as well, facing her, studying her face as I waited for something to come out of her mouth. She was still as a statue; the only indication that she was not just that, was the frown on her face as she contemplated what to say to me.

I must admit, I was impatient for her to speak. I wanted to hear that bell-like voice of hers again. I longed for it, needed it, and the silence was simply deafening. The fact that I still couldn't read her mind frustrated me more than ever. I'd hoped, once she became a vampire, I'd be able to hear it. Clearly I had no such luck.

After what felt like an eternity, she spoke. I listened, not only concentrating on the words, but also on the sound of her voice. She sounded better in my ears than anything ever had. But sound was not important now, the words were. So, I listened, and waited for my time to speak. Hoping, she, in turn, would listen to me.

**Bella POV**

I was clearly out of my mind when I asked Edward to come with me so we could speak in private, because I had no idea what I wanted to speak about. Yes, there were a lot of things we could discus, a lot of things that had happened. But, I wanted to talk about none of those things. Truthfully, I just wanted to observe him, one last time. Just in case I wouldn't stay, or he wouldn't stay. Just in case.

But I knew I had to say something eventually; that was, after all, the reason I'd invited him to come, wasn't it? Taking a deep, unnesecary, breath, I opened my mouth and simply let the words come out, only half aware I was saying them. Only half aware of what I was saying.

"I believe you when you said you left to protect me. But when you told me, that day, that you didn't want me, it broke me, Edward. Something inside me broke. And when h-he took me, he didn't have to try hard to break me down, because most of me was already destroyed. I didn't fight hard enough, or long enough. I gave in. No matter what Alice and you saw, no matter how much you say that it's not my fault, I still gave in. And one day, you'll realize that, and you'll hate me for it," The words rushed out before I was able to stop them, and I instantly knew I'd hurt Edward with them.

I didn't mean to say all that; I didn't even know where it all came from, but they were out there now, and I couldn't take them back. And though I never meant to say them, I knew I meant them as I was saying them. I did give in, and they would hate me for it. Maybe not now, but someday, yes.

"Bella, I could never hate you for staying alive. He was a vampire and you were human. If you'd continued to fight him, you'd be dead now. And as horrible as this may sound to you right now, I'm glad you gave it. The fact that you gave in is the reason you're here today. I could never hate you for staying alive. I only hate him for doing those horendous things to you. And myself, for leaving you, unprotected. I'm the one to blame Bella, not yourself. If you want to hate someone, hate me, I beg of you, don't hate yourself."

I'm sure my dead eyes had widened in shock by the time he finished his speech. The fact that he blamed himself, hated himself even, made me slightly angry. It was an anger I'd never experienced in my entire human life. I didn't get angry very often, and when I did, I always controlled it the best way I could. So that's what I did now, I pushed it away, the best I could. I could not afford to loose my temper right now.

"I could never blame or hate your for anything. And maybe one day I'll stop hating myself, maybe. But please, don't put the blame where it doesn't belong, it makes me angry that you do that."

He nodded, but remained otherwise silent.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. Not now. It's too soon and I'm not ready. But I will stay with you and your family for the time being. Nothing more, I need to sort things out for myself first," I said, needing to be clear with him.

"It's your family, too, Bella," Edward said, and this time, I simply nodded, digesting his words. The word 'family' kept running through my mind, and suddenly, a thought crossed my mind.

"Charlie?" It was one word. One name. But Edward knew what I was asking. Where was my father? How was my father? Where did he think I was?

"He's not doing all that well. He refuses to believe you're dead, despite the evidence, or lack there of, I should say. He also refuses to believe you've run away; it's a ridiculous notion in his mind. He believes you've been kidnapped and spends his every waking minute looking for you. He refuses to give up hope."

If I had still been able to cry, I'd have been shedding tears like a mad woman - which maybe I was, I wasn't too sure about that at the moment - right then. The way Edward said it, made me believe that my disappearance was slowly killing Charlie, and in all honesty, it didn't surprise me. I was all the family he had left.

"I need to see him," I said, knowing how impossible and dangerous my demand sounded, but I needed to help Charlie. I couldn't let him die of grief before it was ever even his time. Edward didn't seem surprised at all, as if he'd seen this coming.

"We'll discus it with Carlisle when we get back home," He said, sadly, as if he already knew the answer. Which he probably did, he was a mind reader, after all.

"You can go ahead, I'll come later. I need to be on my own for a while," I said, again hurting him with my words. He nodded, gave me one last look that seemed to portray a great sense of longing, then slowly retreated and broke off in a run.

I didn't want him to leave, not really, but I needed him too. It seemed that I needed a lot of alone time ever since I became a vampire, even from Edward. Edward, the one I used to want to spend every waking - and sleeping - moment with, couldn't even stay with me for too long, because then I would feel like I was suffocating. It wasn't fair, on either of us.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Author's note:**_

Hey, all. I know I promised I'd keep updating regularly and not disappear anymore, but there were things I just couldn't walk away from to write a story. My dad got sick, really sick, he almost died. He had to have this massive surgery and it was very touch and go for a while. I've been spending almost all my time with him in the hospital. He's only been home since last tuesday and he still has a lot of health problems we need to be careful off and has 3 nurses a day coming to take care of something still from the surgery. If my dad can get through this next month, through christmas and his birthday (January 1st) okay, then I'm back. If there's another setback, if he dies like they say is still a possibility due to some complications he could have, especially blood clots (he's had them before), then I don't know. I'll let you know at the beginning of January. Again, I'm very sorry, but my family is more important to me than a few stories. I love writing these stories, I do, but they're not the most important things in my life. Sometimes, you gotta set some things aside for more important things, which is what I've been doing these last months. Please bare with me for another couple of weeks, and then I'll let you know the outcome. Then I'll let you know if I'll be back or not.

Lots of love,

Lieselot.


	24. All Up To Bella

_**A/N: Hi. First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for the kind and supporting words in regards to my father's health. It meant a lot to me. Second of all, I'm so sorry I was away for so long. I'd never planned to disappear like this for a year, so I am sorry. It's been a hell of a rocky year. My dad's been in an out of the hospital, we nearly lost him several times. He had 5 surgeries this past year alone, each one more lifethreatening than the one before. He's been home for about two weeks now, before that he was in the hospital with kidney failure, which the doctors were able to rectify, thank god. He's not out of the woods yet (the longest he's been home this year has been exactly 2 months), but I realize I can't let this, the bad things, stop me from living my own life, doing what I like to do. So, yeah, I'm back, and I'm not leaving again. I hope you'll find it in your hearts to forgive me for being gone for so long. It will never happen again.**_

**Chapter 22: All Up To Bella**

**Jacob POV**

I was worried sick about Bella, about how she was handling all of this. Part of me never wanted to go near her again because she was now officially a leech, my enemy. But it was a small part. After all, I pleaded with Sam to allow the leeches to change Bella. I realized I'd rather have her as a leech than not have her at all. But she seemed so broken when I last saw her, and part of that was my fault.

Yeah, the leeches left her, but so did I. I'm as much too blame as they are. I couldn't handle my emotions right now, they were all over the place. I needed something to calm me down, so I shifted into my wolf form. It appeared that I wasn't alone; Leah was in her wolf form as well, and when I heard her thoughts, I was shocked.

Shocked about what she said to Bella, about how nice she'd been, how un-Leah she'd acted.

_'Thanks, Leah,' _I said, with complete honesty. She huffed, but didn't actively reply. I think she was just miffed that someone actually knew she had a nice side to her. Who knew? I sure as hell didn't.

I was longing to see Bella again, but I'd have to give it time. She was a new vampire with a fragile state of mind; as much as it killed me to admit it, it probably wouldn't do her any good to see me right now.

**Carlisle POV**

Edward came home, without Bella, and for a moment I thought she'd left us, forgood, and that thought pained me more than anything. I didn't want to loose the girl I'd come to think of as a daughter and loved as much as all my children. But then he said she would stay, at least for now, and I heaved a breath of relief. Thank god. It wouldn't do this family any good to loose Bella again.

"She asked about Charlie," Edward said; it didn't surprise me. Bella always cared deeply for her father, even if she wasn't as good at showing it as some people were. It was always in her eyes and her actions, if not her words.

"She wants to see him, I suppose?" I countered, knowing the dangers this could posses. Bella was a newborn vampire, and though she seemed to handle it with more ease than any I'd ever seen in my entire existance, it would still be hard for her to be around humans so close after her change.

"We could arrange for him to come here, under our protection. If she does try and attack him, we'd be here to stop her."

I nodded, Edward had a good point. But what would we tell Charlie? We could lie, but I honestly didn't know of a lie believable enough at this time. If we did this, we would need to tell Charlie the truth.

"What if he rejects her?" Came Edward's concerned reply; if that happened, there was no telling what it would do to Bella's already fragile state of mind.

"That is a possibillity, I suppose, but I doubt that will happen. Charlie loves Bella too much. I think he'd be happy to see her again, no matter what she is now," I said, firmly believing that Edward's fears were ungrounded.

"I'll ask Bella, when she comes back. She should decide, he's her father after all."

I nodded, Edward was right. The choice was with Bella, especially now, after having so many choices taken away from her these last months, this was her choice and hers alone. If she wanted to lie, we'd lie, if she wanted to tell the truth, we'd tell the truth. It was all up to her.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


End file.
